a grand don't come for free....

YAY!!! party! I have just found that i have had over a thousand visitors to my site. Although many of the viewers may be  just followers of google searchers after images of 'OK computer', it is still a large number, much bigger than I originally predicted, and is cause for celebration!

Lack of Focus

' Evenin' all.
I type this post, fueled by a strong black coffee, an Aero chocolate bar (a new 'orange' version - reviews will be written), powered by Coldplay's 'parachutes'. I really don't know how this combination may affect my mood, and therefore the post.
I have re-read the last few posts, and feel that i should apologise for their tone. Today was much more of a regular day. I did all that was planned. "Look at the stars, look how they shine for you,"

sorry. I stop. Classic, quality tune.

for yoooooooooooooooo ou.
Hehe, I'm not drunk, just got a coffee,chocolate and good music (3 loves of life). Oh no, 'Trouble', more of a downbeat song.
Right, I sound stupid, arrogant, foolish when I say that I kept realising today how lucky i am. We all live in a beautiful world, yeah we  do, yeh we dooooo.
Wrong album, but I had to include that because I honestly was thinking this, all day. I may sound stupid, but we all, everyone, needs to know how lucky they are to have or have had 'life'. Throughout all of education, people block it out, thinking about the basic science that is involved. But when I consider this, just being part of the massive web of human life, it's crazy. We can thank parents, but they are just part of the massive web too. Being a human is so so so special, we are all so lucky. I know that I am very lucky, shouldn't be here, but then when thinking, we are all lucky.
Not the wrong album, I was incorrect to correct myself.

It's like  a cross between a Milky Way and a Chocolate Orange. Tasty but you have to expect the taste. Hmmmm

problems

I wandered along the river today in glorious sunshine, during what Bono would describe as "a beautiful day", away to that town known as Kingston. A truly special experience. It is said that the sun promotes the best in everyone, but unfortunately I did not feel this, more seeing what I am missing out on. I have begun to learn acceptance of my temporary requirement of a wheelchair. I have always been commended on my positive attitude, I realise that I have this, but I admit that I get worried and seriously saddened when faced with reality. Physically, I could be a lot worse, but I realise that I am weaker on my left side leading to self-pride issues with aesthetics (believe it or not).
I cannot think of a more valid reason for the phrase 'you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone'. I was very close to my girlfriend.  I don't have a girlfriend, but want one. I just want to hug a girlfriend with both arms and take a deep breath in.
OK, i've just wrapped this topic up in two sentences. 'I want, I want', I know that there are many people (friends) out there in a similar position, but it is harder for me to 'do something about it'. I do not want a 'sympathy vote'. All female potential is being snapped up, already taken, children being made and i am not in a position to do anything about it. Part of my 'life plan' was to get married and then be a father, already employed in a full-time and ethical job. But 'shit happens'.

I realise that there are plenty of people out there who I don't want reading this, but hey, I'm used to opening my head/heart to let personal thoughts be shared by the rest of the world. I am sorry if it is viewed as depressing, should i always be happy? Happiness is relative. c ya 

coffee continued...

... To continue writing about coffee, it also helps keep me sane. It can provide me with a feeling of friendly warmth, when I am not feeling the greatest. A warm comfort. 

the wonders of coffee......

I type this as I drink my fourth coffee of the day (10pm). This is a lot for me, but I realise that everyone is different. It is the first out of four that I have made at home, by myself. As I am often (thankfully) by myself, compared to living previously in hospitals, and rehabilitation homes, I am free to do what I want, where and when. My choices of how to spend free time are often led by a requirement of coffee. My love of the brew may remind me of a certain Dylan song in which he requests 'one more.......'. Anyway then I am sorted, coffee and my love of good music are regularly saviours of my sanity.

I mention no names, but sourcing my coffee is never really a problem of finding where, but a joy of choosing  which cafe. Admittedly, I started off by using chains because I got to know staff from branch to branch, knowing what I was going to order on just entering the place. I absolutely love discovering new, independent cafes realising the sheer quality they offer with a smile, but unfortunately there is a big multi-national but American brand that predominantly is destroying the market by serving hot milk branded as coffee.

Nothing new there then. I just want to offer a big big big shout out of support for all of our independent coffee bars, serving real coffee, with a smile, providing somewhere to drink it (not coffee "to go"). Make sure that you continue your support of these small independent businesses.

force of nature

we must all realise that nature is powerful. Is the potential of nuclear energy tempting us to mess with it too much? Photos of Kesennuma, Japan 2011. Scary.

A scary greed for more power than our planet is meant to produce? Hmmm

errrrrrrrrrrmmm......hmmm

Sorry avid followers. I know that you, the millions of my audience, will have to cope with this post, with difficulty, as I am not supplied with caffiene. I haven't had one all day, but am slowly feeling the need for one. But no, I am not addicted, so i don't need one, and will continue (i apologise if this post becomes incomprehensible). Is that the right word? Oh, you get what I mean..............

Right... I've now got Paul Weller singing about a town called Malice, entering my ear drums. End of song, oh no, now 'Outtathaway' by the Vines. I have to skip. Focus, I have just experienced the problems of listening to a shuffled playlist, hence my problems with shuffled music, mentioned in a previous post. The main topic of this post is of yesterday's trip up to London. I manage this independently now, but meet an 'Outreach' (kind of OT) worker when there. Once there, i negotiated myself across the river (using a bridge!), onto Covent Garden, through Charing Cross, the Strand, (the hanging gardens of babylon), and Long Acre. It was fine, as I know this route quite well. Weather was nice, lunch had been eaten in a bar on the south of the river, life was good. Covent  Garden was busy (as expected), fortunately however, I have fine tuned skills driving my wheelchair (when I want to). I had begun to notice the power in my wheelchair battery was decreasing. I had enough to get back, if i maintain driving at a low speed. Hmmm. Grrrrr. My chair was fully charged at the beginning. I began to get irritated by this, I WAS having a good time and thinking i wouldn't stop at Covent Garden. Combine this anger with the constant view of everyone (busy London) existing around half a metre above you. Beautiful women could be looked at, but you absolutely must not engage eye contact, otherwise you are 'the simple nutter in the wheelchair'. Sales-staff have to re-position the whole shop in order to serve you, but do make me welcome (thank you Reiss, Long Acre). On my route back to Waterloo, I realise that I've had a good day but there are issues. When walking, I will be at normal, people height level, and will not be relying on a battery, just sheer effort (which I hope will allow me to get further). I know that I have to stay positive, and sorry to those who enjoy doubting me (whoever you are, somewhere), I will be walking with an aid at some point. I am only 26.

Blogging

"In truth, we don't live in public. We live on the fluid border between public and private - and we have new, sometimes confounding opportunities to crisscross that line. The bad news is that this is a difficult and perplexing skill to learn. The good news is that everything we do learn, we get to teach one another."

page 32, The Observer magazine 13/03/11
'Blogging' by Scott Rosenberg  

i'm innocent really...

Oh confusion,
I'm not sure whether I agree with previous statements on my new Beady Eye album. Music tastes vary from person to person anyway, so ignore me please. 

I lied...

The Beady Eye album is effin'' class! Rocking!

Hmmmmm (that's my thought, my mind)

RAAAAAAAAHH!!
Right that's a reaction.

I'm sorry, as I know everyone means well. Right, where do i begin?
Right, Arsenal lost to Barcelona. Booooo. Right, people lose, and? The referee unfairly cheated on us, destroying a wonderful game. I leave Arsene and Samir to fight that battle.

Point two. Girls. Problem. I know that I wrongly use my wheelchair as an excuse, or a reason not to look harder. So it's all my fault now. The truth is I was quite comfortable with my girlfriend, and needn't 'look around' for the last 3 or 4 years before my accident. Now, I need to look, hard.

3. Girls. Girls are mothers, not girls anymore. Tends to mean married. No go zone. I grow older.

4. Lack of social activity. My friends are all incredibly powerful and good for me, but a lack of activity can affect anything. I admit that essentially it is up to me to suggest things as people do not know what is/isn't possible.

5. A lot of planning is required by things. Now, things can be done, but planning is needed, often doubled, tripled (etc) depending on who is involved.

6. I'm afraid the new Beady Eye album does not seem to live up to my expectations (I listen to it as I type). But maybe. No, definitely. Hmm definitely maybe.

7. Right, I stop because it is of no help, typing why I feel 'down', making things worse than they really are. Arsenal now have less games to congest their fixture list. They need not fear a Chelski, Man U, or a potentially horrific loss to the other English team. 90% focus on the premiership. I want.

I am a student, having got great joy out of my latest 'web design' class, being introduced to Dreamweaver. It seems to be the gold that i have been searching for. The trouble is that it costs a large pot of the stuff. Investigation is needed.

I look back at where i've come from, whenever I see a person being pushed around in a wheelchair by a nurse or carer. I thank everyone (essentially, myself)

Having visited Richmond today, I realise how lucky I am, here in Surbiton, Kingston. The borough really does get my thumbs up for their consideration of wheelchair usage.

My playlist (that's right, Itunes playlist, no longer a cd stuck in my hifi), runs into ' The King of Limbs' (new radiohead). A good example of some totally new, forward thinking music. 

something in my liberty, oh my mine,

"happiness, more or less"
A slightly strange/unusual blog post, typed on a friday afternoon, as I realise next week will be severely interrupted by Arsenal playing against some "also rans" in the Nou Camp.


"I hope you understand"
Anyway, I type this because I want to. When my mood goes 'down' (yes, it does, even 'Mr Perfect' me), I regularly have to force myself to realise how lucky i am to be here. I am lucky to be here, that is obvious to most who know my situation, but when 'down', i feel lucky that I realise I am down, and am lucky to be here, feeling down at all. So then, after a brief bit of thought, I feel lucky, realising that most cannot have had such 'a close one' as me.

"Just where I am"
I then understand my position a bit more, feel that i can have a 'nothing to lose' attitude in many situations. Situations concerning girls, embarrass me very little, compared to normality. Now, it sounds sad and rather pathetic, but I think I know how unlikely I am to hit on a girl successfully, whilst in a wheelchair. Right, fair enough, but I imagine how scared I would be if it were the other way around. Anyway, lalalalalala.

"How many corners do i have to turn?"
So, I think, I am the age I am, and it scares me. I have a coffee in a coffee bar (to relax), and hello, there's a group of women (my sort of age) sitting together in the corner. Wait a minute, they've all got prams....Hehehe, doh, bugger. Goodacre! behave yourself. So, I do. It gets me thinking, realising what 'I'm missing out on'. I always used to think (pre-accident) that I could plan everything (designer in me), so i did, but I am holding on now to the fact that you cannot, infact, plan anything in detail. Shit happens.

"But I'm a lucky man, with fire in my hands"
That is fine example of how my mind often descends. So I go back to "the start", and realise that I am being stupid, pathetic that I can become depressed by these things when I realise from how dependent on people I was to become fairly independent. I am a lucky man and I learn to live with an up/down outlook on my life. "I smile and I feel no disgrace, with who I aaaaaam"  

to listen to music........

Many of you may already know my stance, share or partly share my stance on the activity of 'listening to music', or disagree which is fair enough as most probably do. I have felt for many years that to truly enjoy listening to music, it has to suit the correct mood that you aim to be in (or that you are in, without choice). Therefore, nothing beats playing a favourite album. Whichever one you choose, an album provides a journey (chosen by the artist). You begin this journey of roughly 45 minutes, 1 hour, or however long, at track 1.  The artist spends great care in choosing the order of tracks, designed to travel you through various moods, at different times within it's duration. This style could be compared to a DJ of whatever music, taking their audience along a journey of emotion in their set.

This provides my argument against shuffled music with good backing. I do however, listen to a lot of my music in an endless, shuffled mode. I always feel rubbish doing this, as my emotive journey only lasts for the length of any one track, and then it is shuffled, changed to that of another. I feel guilty doing this as if I am letting not only myself down in not experiencing the emotion of the album, and also letting down the artist in not fully experiencing the track how it was designed to be.

OK, that is my argument against mp3s. I do however realise that it is the way music is going, hold my hands up and admit to all of the points that I argue against. Previously, I had been buying the CD of any album that i wanted. I realise that my stance was far from eco-friendly or sustainable, and, combined with the fact of buying the current Radiohead album, The King Of Limbs, as it is only available, currently, on mp3, I have willingly 'joined the club' of mp3 usage.