problems

I wandered along the river today in glorious sunshine, during what Bono would describe as "a beautiful day", away to that town known as Kingston. A truly special experience. It is said that the sun promotes the best in everyone, but unfortunately I did not feel this, more seeing what I am missing out on. I have begun to learn acceptance of my temporary requirement of a wheelchair. I have always been commended on my positive attitude, I realise that I have this, but I admit that I get worried and seriously saddened when faced with reality. Physically, I could be a lot worse, but I realise that I am weaker on my left side leading to self-pride issues with aesthetics (believe it or not).
I cannot think of a more valid reason for the phrase 'you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone'. I was very close to my girlfriend.  I don't have a girlfriend, but want one. I just want to hug a girlfriend with both arms and take a deep breath in.
OK, i've just wrapped this topic up in two sentences. 'I want, I want', I know that there are many people (friends) out there in a similar position, but it is harder for me to 'do something about it'. I do not want a 'sympathy vote'. All female potential is being snapped up, already taken, children being made and i am not in a position to do anything about it. Part of my 'life plan' was to get married and then be a father, already employed in a full-time and ethical job. But 'shit happens'.

I realise that there are plenty of people out there who I don't want reading this, but hey, I'm used to opening my head/heart to let personal thoughts be shared by the rest of the world. I am sorry if it is viewed as depressing, should i always be happy? Happiness is relative. c ya