Welcome to my blog. I post on this, roughly once a week (it does vary). I sustained a 'Traumatic Acquired Brain Injury', and a six month coma from a 'road traffic accident' whilst cycling, in October 2006. I spent the following 4 years (22-26yrs old), in a combination of hospitals and rehabilitation homes. Now, I have been living independently in Surbiton, England since October 2010. This blog begun life in December 2010, as i realised that there are many people worldwide that i want to share experiences with. I know that, as a wheelchair user, I am obviously not as mobile as i wish, so, use the internet to connect to you. I enjoy letting my thoughts represent through type. I type honestly. As numerous readers, as well as email recipients, will understand, I find typing to be very therapeutic. Thank you :)
Please note that this website cannot be viewed 100% successfully everywhere. It is designed for optimum viewing on a screen of 1920 x 1080 pixels.




Monday 30 January 2012

AAAARest me

OK,  the Lana Del Rey album is good, but should not be considered in the same esteem as my other videos posted below.....

QUALITY MUSIC

It may seem strange, weird, or wrong for one to listen to so much 'depressing' music. Music is only as depressing as you choose, or allow it to be. Instead, i feel that these few tracks are so so soooooo good. They are preceded by 'Born to Die', which is Lana Del Rey's title track of her new album, RELEASED TODAY! I am yet to go to the cd shop, but i am very very VERY excited!!!!



These next ones may be viewed as 'depressing', but they are not. Beautiful.







I have not seen half of the above videos before, more, 'experienced' the beautiful songs.
Listen

Saturday 28 January 2012

As I was saying ... I must admit ...

Hellooo! I type this post unusually, away from my familiar 'flat' surroundings, as i stay tonight at my parents'. Fear not, I do have coffee. It may not be as good as mine, hehehe, but hey.

Believe it or not, I did try to post this all in the post below (with news about my bike), but for some reason the blog was halted, i got tired, and went to bed.

Anyway, I must admit that i do now regularly listen to my ipod in 'shuffle' mode. I realise that i have previously stated, on this blog, of my beliefs, that shuffled music is bad. However, the lack of continuity in a shuffle, allows for the listener to learn the true strength of an individual song, feel the intensity of a song for its duration, and pick favourites. It also allows one to rediscover a song unexpectedly, as it may have been forgotten.

"Get into the 21st century Patrick." I hear you all cry. I am trying. Music evolves, as does the way we listen to/experience it, I have to deal with it, and admit that i still am stuck in traditions that I used to have as a student, when everyone used to listen to CDs (remember them?).

I realise that I must also admit to the chance of my involvement in my Bus/Ramp/Fall incident (explained on this blog). I have used buses since my accident, with apprehension, and have realised that there is a chance that my positioning of my wheelchair on the bus, could have been better. I maintain that the bus-ramp used, was dodgy and did invite problems. Unfortunately, I duly accepted to be the problem.

My fascination with, and total enjoyment of, pedal pushing, leads me to the question:
Is there a pedal-powered wheelchair out there. I cannot self propel using both arms, but there is more possibility of leg-power. Hmmm mmm mmmm mmm..................

My physiotherapist provided me with the greatest excuse to keep up with the singing. 'Increasing my core strength', apparently. So
LALALALALALAAAALALALAAAA!
I realise that now i have more physical ability and vocal power has enhanced (compared to lying in hospital). Now unable to play my beloved guitar (which i held so dearly),instead of playing along to The Verve, I sing. I admit that it can be more difficult with Radiohead (all words are known). I have to be extra careful attempting to sing Jeff Buckley, that i have no audience, but hey.

I have created a feeble excuse, when it comes to my slow (but regular) pace of drinking a mug of coffee. Even though it may result in a cold coffee, when finished, 'I am letting my coffee breathe'. I feel that often taste can often be over-powered by the heat of a very hot coffee.

Anyway, not that you really care, I carry on. My final note in this post, is telling you all of my belief in 'fate'. Now, I admit that this may be seen as a week way of taking comfort in bad events. It is the only way to accept that "shit happens". I don't believe that we can closely predict/foretell our fate, but everything can be seen as happening for a reason. Therefore some events can seem destined to happen, but we cannot predict these. Got it?......
....Er right, .....maybe...  

Friday 27 January 2012

Out of breath...

I am now the proud owner of a bike!! I think. Well an indoor, stationary bike. The cheque has been sent(not sure whether processed or not), I have the bike in my flat, game on. I cycle for 20 minute sessions, around 4 times a week. I make no comparisons at all, but, do remember that laps of the park did used to take around 20/25 minutes, i think. I won't bore everyone with facts and figures regularly. I do know that for general fitness it is perhaps best to be spinning a gear at around 50rpm. However, i prefer to ride, testing myself, pushing a higher gear to increase leg power, only possible at a lower speed of around 35/40 rpm. Today, I was unsuccessful in beating my previous record (usually my target). Aerobically, i was tested as i sung along with both Mr Gallagher and Mr Morrison, accompanying vocals for the two tracks below. I then gave up singing for the second half of my ride, but remained out of breath!
Comments and queries on my bike and cycling habit are welcome.




A shorter version of 'The End' was listened to.

I have checked my bank account, and the cheque has been processed. YAY! IT IS MINE!

Saturday 21 January 2012


correction number two: 

J'ai monté mon vélo ... beaucoup, et puis ... 




Friday 20 January 2012

j'ai faisait mon velo....beaucoup, et puis......

Hehehe, I think that i've got my title right. Does anyone know, would it be 'fait' with a 't' or 's'?

ANYWAY. Who knows? The rest is english, as i am. The point is this. Both 'Cycling' and 'France' have contributed a lot to me, forming the author of this blog (and therefore a grand consumer of coffee). Please forgive my continued ramblings about cycling, but hey.

Whilst I still am in love with cycling, but cannot ride a bike, I maintain the mental companionship with cyclists. MOST.

Not all. to my despair i do still witness those out on a bike on the road, performing with such idiocy amongst traffic, that i find it horrific that they consider themselves 'a cyclist'. I must admit that i often look upon these people, in disgust, thinking "well it's alright, if they carry on riding like that, they won't last long". In despair, I do know that there are plenty of good cyclists, who get tarnished with the same brush by so many. I ask you all not to do that, please realise that there are many many good cyclists, but there are just some people who think that they live above the laws of society, ***********s!  GRRRR.

Large swig of coffee, continue. My next note is identifying the fact that, for me, cycling was key in forming my desire independence. When cycling with others on a climb, there is no fun in suffering all together, you'd break clear and ride alone, and suffer/or maybe not, alone. I was used to riding at 80%. This would allow you to gauge how far you could push yourself. I know that I have been seen both positively and negatively since my accident, as I often desire independence.

Hehe my next note, tells me that "oops, i now seem embarrassed". This is referring to my weird ability to flatter ANY girls that I encounter and deserve it. I have still got the ability, but I now feel more 'normal' in that i would have second thoughts, and would get extremely embarrassed in doing such. Is this a good thing? Who knows, we'll see.

I am yet to venture into Frappucin(os /i), but the coffee that i've just finished is now one of the coldest i've had in a while, hmmm maybe. No, it was disgusting. Coffee should be hot.

Dinner break.

I continue. I return back to complaining about one of my pet hates, 'shuffled music'. I have now decided that listening to 'shuffled albums' is ok, but not that much better than 'shuffled songs'. Half of the enjoyment of 'listening to music' is either soothing, or enhancing your mood. I enjoy the ability to pick an album (so atleast around 45mins/1hour/whatever), and immerse oneself in the mood provided by the music. A totally random sound/song, one after the other (every 5mins or so), is such a cheap, easy, wrong, and lazy mentality. The music was designed to be listened to, show some respect.

Believe it or not, another black coffee is made for my 'Pantone black' mug


This leads to one thing for me

 

There is link here, in that i want to describe the sheer joy that i got  on the past weekend as i went up to    central London this past weekend. I went to the RA of Arts, for their exhibition on Russian Art and Architecture. Strange, you may think, i accept that. Russian designers, including El Lissitzky were represented, and although not studied for 5 years, it was understood and special to me. The note that i made, whilst there was that it is important to understand that quite often (and especially in this case), one should not assess the ability of an artist at making marks on a blank canvas, but one may need to understand what various lines and shapes are meaning. Graphical communication and art. Fortunately I had studied  the historical of early-twentieth century Russia, and can understand the art produced in various movements. Spell-bounding.

I finish up by talking about cycling (again). I was on my lunch break at work and waiting to cross a road. The pedestrian opposite reacted quicker to the free break of traffic and started crossing. Out of the corner of my eye I saw an un-helmeted person on a bike (i refuse to call her a cyclist). She whizzed off of the main road , straight into the side street where we were, no signal, no brake, nothing. i, sensibly waited for her to hurtle past. She ran over the toes of the woman opposite, so close smashing into her, i was left agasp. The woman crossed the road and warned me that "cyclists, they think they own the road, they've no consideration". I was left saddened by the whole incident. I am not sure of whom i was more disturbed, the 'cyclist' (who does not deserve to be called one), or the pedestrian (who was generalizing and lumping all cyclists together). It hurts. 

Thursday 19 January 2012

No Coffee, GUINNESS!

The title of the current post explains that i have ventured away from coffee for this writing.

I do have many notes which i will cover after sharing my recent, scary experience. I went to work today in Twickenham (good place, maybe). Living in Surbiton, I travel by bus without having to change, but it does take atleast 45mins. Anyway, my outward journey this morning was good, fairly quick and uneventful. However my return journey was definitely more of an experience. After being ignored by one bus driver, I made sure the next bus would stop for me. It did, a bit prematurely, stopping before the bus stop. Anyway, the ramp was released by the bus, but i needed help boarding, as the ramp was too steep (as the bus had stopped early, the pavement was fairly low and bus high, as shown below.

      
A passenger then had to go out and check the ramp before the bus could take it in and move off. I was on the bus, all was ok. It did cross my mind, aboard, how best should i exit if the same problem once in Surbiton. Forwards, risking footplates colliding with the floor, jamming or gettig broken and damaged, and of course, my legs. Or backwards, as i would leave usually. Surely it wouldn't be the same problem again, the driver would stop in the right place. Or so I thought.

The bus stopped, the ramp ejected, and i positioned myself on the bus for exiting it. Went down the ramp backwards first.
"Woah crap!!!"
"oh shit"
I had fallen, felt uninjured (fortunately). I was still belted into the chair, on my back, on the curbside.

Fortunately I can be very grateful for people at the bus stop, who saw me, and helped chair-and-me return upright.

I checked my meds, whose case had fallen out of my bag on falling. OK. To my biggest relief, although i had seen my ipod fly out of my bag to the road, i plugged myself back in listening to the tune i was (below)

Looking back on it, i guess that I was just part of the driver's lesson in stopping in right places for accessibility issues.


I am afraid that I lied, am too tired, all of my notes will be written about tomrrow, probably.    

Please forgive the basic graphics as i was so buzzing when i entered my flat, I had to draw them quickly.

Wednesday 11 January 2012

two versions (part b)



Right, assuming that all readers of my blog have open ears, and hearts, welcoming the examples of music that i provide........
OK, both videos show the same track being performed by both halves of the act (James Lavelle, UNKLE, and a 2006 Richard Ashcroft performance). As many of you might know, the song, 'Lonely Soul', I hold dearly close as although produced in 1998, i listened to it a lot during my 'student' years, and still do today.

Anyway, enough blubbering on about music. Now owner of a Kindle, I have perhaps finished my last ever read of a 'book'. It may be co-incidence, but it was definitely the most depressing book that i have ever read from start to finish. Willy Voet's 'Breaking the chain', told me too many truths about professional cycling and its dark side. I still love cycling, realising it has formed me, but I am so glad that I am not a professional racer. I used to carry the knowledge that 'my sport'  is full of cheats, but that's alright, everything is. I wasn't surprised when years ago, Rio Ferdinand 'forgot' a drugs test. Could you imagin if Lance Armstrong used that excuse?
Everyone cheats, it's human nature. Or so I thought. However, Voet's book made me realise that maybe it  is just Cycling, as the toughest sport around, has an inherent problem with cheating.

Hmmmm. To the opposite scale of things now. Thierry Henry, remember him? Scoring on his return to 'my' club, was so so so sooooo special, it is almost better than winning the cup, itself. Maybe.




Tuesday 10 January 2012

two versions (part a) - Decisions please...

I am thinking about possible images for the main wall in my living room. As i am confident in creating 'art', i figured the best option to me was to create my own image, rather than spend ages choosing, getting bored of my choice, being ripped  off. I decided what should be done fairly quickly, went, took the photo using my mobile phone, and have since played around on Photoshop with it (hours of fun). But, as you can see two colour options are below, and to be honest, i really cannot decide. The environment, my living/dining room is fairly neutral, so will not affect the decision. I have just spotted an error with B), and corrections will be made. You will be able to see the winning choice, once up on the wall!  Please leave your choice, as a 'comment' below(click on the 'comment' button). Thank you.

A)



B)

Wednesday 4 January 2012

numbers.....

Just a quick note, to tell y'all that i've re-introduced the pageview counter (to the right), counting my audience from my blog's beginning. I changed my mind, making it free for you to view, because it creates less  work for me!

Monday 2 January 2012

A new year, a new vision, a new colour,

A fresh, bright colour, telling of a birth of things new.

...... Blah, blah blah, ah what the heck, i just wanted to change colours, you can forget all of that pretentious rubbish.

Fear not, i have coffee, and many, many notes.
My first note is of my new level of things that I would consider or used to, 'difficult'. Years ago, pre- accident, there were many things i would find difficult (obviously, just as anyone would). Since living with a 'traumatic' brain injury, i have had help to re-learn of how to do everything. I am still learning, and in some  cases i have had to give up, resigning myself to the fact that I will forever be unable to do certain things. Hey ho. However, I have been able to see that gradually fewer and fewer things occur, that I consider 'difficult'. I now know that many things are impossible, so not difficult. Maybe, I remember life as a 22 year old, or younger, when you want everything, because there is still potential. Now, age cannot have an affect on everything, but I do sometimes feel like i have hit 'FF', retaining the ability to experience feelings, but maybe dreams are missed, I am too old to get captaincy for the national (football) side now, maybe

I do remember thoughts that I had regularly whilst enjoying cycling. Pushing the pedals around often caused me to think "I am enjoying this so much, what could possibly be the biggest loss that I or anyone in my position, have to face? Would life be better losing the mental abilities, or losing this seemingly perfect ability of riding my bike (the physical abilities)? I did used to think this, believe it or not, but it never used to take me long to consider these outcomes, properly. There was obviously only ever one answer. I now can experience the answer and prove myself correct.

After rating cycling so highly, I have finished reading three books concerning the problems of drugs and cheating within the professional sport. I am brought back down to earth by David Millar (unconditional personal hero), Jeremy Whittle, and Willy Voet. After experiencing the infamous 'Festina Scandal' as a 13 year old, it shook me hard, but i began to realise that this problem cannot affect cycling alone. Sure enough there have been scandals in other sports. I was no longer shocked by 'positive' results, more, I expected them. It used to wind me up that professional cycling was seen by everyone as a 'dirty' sport. Maybe it is possible that some sports are 'clean'. After reading these books, maybe I realise that it was just professional cycling that has had this in-built problem. I am still unconvinced, but no-one believes a 'doubter', so I remain quiet.

   .