The best Olympic sport, here, on 'my roads'!

Special.
Although not entirely finished yet, i have watched the Olympians race on roads that i used to train on regularly. Wow.
On Saturday, i stood watching the racers in a very special place competing for gold, in Richmond Park, the venue in which, 5 years ago, i suffered my life altering 'traumatic brain injury'. Now, packed with crowds, i was watching the sport closest to my heart amongst fans in 'my Park'.

Enthralled by this previously unseen British interest in the cycle sport, i decided to join fellow fans on the following day, in my lifelong hometown, Kingston. I knew that i had found a very good (probably best position), as shown below

Just as the first police motorbikes appeared over the bridge, they were accompanied by the mightiest lightning strike. This meant only one thing. 

  Although the best possible positions were found, photography was not allowed to be best due to road furniture, and weather. But this adds to the reality, of it being here in Britain.

... again

'Hiya' is a friendly term. I must remember this, instead of feeling insulted by so many totally random strangers who see me and immediately want to display their open friendliness towards 'the weirdo  in the wheelchair'. Part of me wants to play up to the role that they're expecting. Should i bark a fierce growl back?! No, but maybe it would be tempting. I've thrown cafe baristas before by just speaking french. Canine Patrick? Hmmm.

I went 'shopping' earlier in the week, for music. I was left in total despair, as the one accessible shop i know, failed me. I faced, and readily accepted the fact that I'd be best to download the music of ITunes.
I left town, on the way home, feeling totally cheated out of the 'retail therapy' that i had hoped for. Yes, it was cheaper buying it online, but i had no bag of presents, and cd's to store. A rip-off.

I was told by someone who has a wealth of knowledge that i often source from, that dreams  can be viewed negatively, 'dreams are only desired ideas that you cannot make happen in reality. If it can happen and is attainable, then it shouldn't be 'a dream', more 'a goal'. Hmmm. OK, those words were not used, but a different explanation of the same concept.

I want to share with you my picture of Tuesday's Olympic Torch journey through Surbiton. It was very special. I could only compare it to previous experiences of standing on the roadside, with the rest of the town, waiting for the arrival of a bike race, in France.

Surbiton station as i've never seen it. The roundabout, the highstreet, every curbside was packed. Viewing the actual torch was gone in a flash (no jokes intended), like a bike race. But the whole wait, expectancy, and combined happiness throughout the crowd was special, proof to me that us Brits can do it just like the French. Hmmm.

Last note is of a song that i hold close. Important lyrics (to me). A blues/rock. Play it, find out.

   

i talk...

sorry, you've been given pictures regarding Britain's sporting success, but i now can talk. I have many notes on my phone, so here goes...

An old note that i made is embracing the future. ' I choose shops, cafes, restaurants etc, by whether or not it has stepped entrance. Can i get in? Is it accessible? I am trapped. I will feel so free when...'

I discontinue the note as I know what I strive for, but i cannot blubber on. I just want to say that although things have improved, and a lot of legislation has been introduced, there will always be inaccessible places. I must keep the attitude that they're the ones losing out, not me. Hmmmm.

My fury rose the other day when a couple of cyclists, seemingly broke the law, by just turning at a main junction, without indicating, or even slowing. The first skidded past. They we both dressed identically. Hmmm? It was only on seeing the second did i realise that infact they were police. It is only now that i realise that this may excuse them. Police, I know that they drive like maniacs, but ride bikes like madmen? I was surprised, at the speed they manage to get on the road, on mountain bikes, and to my disgust, without helmets. Crazy.

I have learnt that it is a lot better in sometimes accepting defeat. I refer to the occasions when, now in a wheelchair, it is impossible to sprint for a bus or train. This fact forces one to plan better, or just accept defeat. If i was able, I may often find myself sprinting in attempt to catch something. I know that it was extremely frustrating, finding that you're running late, then rushing for a bus or train, and missing it. Currentlly, I have little or no chance in rushing, so it is easier to accept defeat rather than having to accept a defeated attempt.

Another post will shortly follow, as I am tired but have a load more notes to talk about.

Dreams are only desired ideas that we cannot make happen in reality. If we really, really want something but realistically cannot reach the goal or attain it then  we dream. Everything else is realistically attainable. I don’t dream much, and I like to think that this is because most things are achievable, if one works.

the flame

Celebration!!!

...bonsoir...

I start with a positive, this week. Rain. It is July and yet it seems to be raining every day. Crazy, but life is full of surprises, the weather should not surprise us. As i am used to, and fairly confident of my ability, in twisting a negative fact of everyday life, into a positive. And so, whilst there are obvious negative issues of rain, I twist it round, realising that it makes me feel positive. After lying in a coma, then following years of rehabilitation (a sheltered lifestyle), rain makes me feel alive. I obviously prefer bright sunshine (inducing smiles), but rainfall reminds me how good it is to be in sun....? Confused? I maybe muddle things up here, but i think that you should get what i mean.

I get surprised, when totally random (usually elderly) people, check on me. Whilst essentially there should be no harm intended, it does often feel that i am being placed at the bottom of society, because of my disability. I have got to remember that most people see a wheelchair, think the worst, then assume that i am mentally disabled to. I had one woman jump ahead of me in the queue at a cafe, look  at me as if i was a simple, baby child, "Hello, are you ok?"
I acted politely in response, necked my espresso, and was gone. GGGRRRR.  I HATE BEING LOOKED DOWN UPON AS INFERIOR, JUST BECAUSE I AM IN A WHEELCHAIR AT THE MOMENT!

I have learnt that it is so much better, to let fate happen, and not attempt to dictate it. We always want something better. If we step back and accept fate and what life throws at us, it is so much more satisfying than wanting more or an improvement of whatever.
Hmmm, that hasn't come out right. I am not telling people to give up striving for more, because that is what everyone does all the time. That's life. However, we must not let any aim dominate us completely.

I am typing this on my blog, so i must stick by it. From now on, I plan to cut down alcohol intake. I sound like an alcoholic, and i am not. I just know how hard i have/still am worked in rehabilitation, from
brain injury. I cannot afford to lose more brain cells this way! There is no way that i am banning myself completely!

Me

My new business card. Not specifying 'design' as a subject area, but showing the ability, and, promotion of this blog.

Pretentious meanings behind colours chosen. Black text, strong, clear, dominant. Red underline representing potential passion and energy throughout. Orange extra, energetic, fun, bright, outstanding.

Hmmm. Or read into the colours, anything you want. Everyone reads slightly different things into colours, thankfully. There is no law. 

I quickly want to apologise to anyone who may have been offended by my previous post (below). I am horrified by the thought of this blog being 'negative'. A law that i have created for myself is that once a post is created, it stays. So stay it does.

I read my phone for the next 'blog notes', Admittedly, made last week when i was obviously in a strange mood. I want to explain to everybody that, although these notes may be seen as negative, they do cause me great joy because I am now living a 'normal' life, no longer cocooned in a hospital or rehab home, as previously. 

I have travelled back to my flat from Kingston via the river quite a lot recently. My note:

'The busy riverside does break me sometimes. I smile on the outside, but tears inside. But, I realise that I'm making 'a note', so i stop. Why am i feeling like this? I AM ATLAST ABLE TO FEEL IT. I AM NORMAL!!!!! YIPEEEE!!!!!!!!!'

'I am lonely sometimes. But hey, everyone feels such at some point. Therefore not alone at all.'  

Another friday...

WARNING: this post is of a negative mood, contradicting EVERYTHING that this blog aims for. Sorry

Right, warning out of the way, I can now tell the truth. The truth hurts, i know, i know.
As the title suggests, i type this post on a friday night. A time when the rest of the world, are having fun with their lives (or saturday, so it seems), I am in my flat by myself, music blaring out, typing on this blog.
I realise as i type this, that, as i don't have any 'friends', my blog is so important to me. It is my one voice to use to reach others.
OK, ok, i know that very old schoolmates would consider themselves as friends. I realise that i might have hurt quite a few people, i'm sorry. I also have acquaintances made at my voluntary work placements (they ARE friends, but at work).

So, where did it all go wrong? I know that I am now too old to 'go out' as once before. Fair enough, everyone has to deal with the issue of time. I felt like I had queues of friends stored, whilst i was in hospital, then 3 or 4 years in my mid-twenties, seemingly locked in a rehabilitation home. Shit social life, i warn people. Then, i spent initial period after, getting uused to living in the real world. Social life has not had much improvement. Just going about in the week, i realise that most people are at a work of some sort and like to live their life on the weekends.
Hmmm. they "don't live to work, but work to live, and live at the weekends, (I'd like to spend a week in the sun)"

Stereophonics

@glastonbury 2002

Hmmm. Facebook, although advantageous, obviously. I can see the negative effect. Everyone, always posts how much fun they are having whilst loving themselves across the world. When are people going to realise, that they are not creating general happiness for the rest of their friends, when showing what the friends are missing out on? 

I'm sorry, I realise that i may be lonesome in this view, but doubt it. Do you remember when friends were friends (not some random acquaintance from the other side of the world)? Hmmmm. I'm old.

Sorry, i have been in this 'ggrrrrr' mood on the last few fridays. It is really good fun to do and be part of, but i am hit, hard, slap in the face, when i thought that i could find some friends of a similar age. As the class is mid afternoon, everyone who attends is retired (i guess?). So, it hits me hard, reminding me of my lack of employment, and my 'special' need of a wheelchair (therefore inability to use the in-house swimming pool). Two things that are standing me alone from everyone else. GGRRRRR hey, shit happens.

Hey, sorry.

If you want a more positive read, read the rest of the blog. I have tried to calm down drinking coffee and playing on Photoshop (it works). It is not Paris, but Surbiton station is beautiful.

A wallpaper.

    

Definitely worth a vote methinks

http://www.greenman.net/unsigned/hattie-whitehead

A song that i thought about a lot during initial rehabilitation...

'Beautiful mind', deeeep lyrics, that helped me, when no-one who knew me well, were sure about me. Since comatose, I've always known myself...

I post that today because i feel it related to yesterdays post. 

first stage

A continuation of yesterday's post, which was unfortunately cut short.
Following yesterday's  prologue, the race spends the next three weeks out on the road, touring France.  With only two rest days, it proves to be one of the toughest sports, both physically and psychologically.

Atop the right hand column, I provide links to the two companies/organisations to which i am offering my services currently. Please use the links to find out more, if you wish.

A thought that i often rely on to comfort myself whenever needed. Everyone has troubles. No-one/nothing ever attains 100% happiness. We all have to make the best of what we can. Everything, EVERYTHING is relative, and can be viewed positively or negatively. Only something of positivity is productive, therefore we must focus on positives. Even a negative can be a positive, if viewed correctly.

I have found it very interesting, that in the past five or six years (or, since my accident), I do remember clearly of having a constant thought whilst enjoying cycling.

'I am enjoying this so much. I am not a 'competitive' cyclist, don't want to be, or turn it into a job. I love cycling so much. What would be the worst thing? An accident, obviously. But would I be better off with the physical ability, or mental ability, if I were lucky enough just to lose one.
Get this out of my head.
Hmmm, but which? Stupid, you are being silly, completely hypothetical. It would definitely be much wiser to keep the mental ability, then you can work on physical improvment.
Hypothetical, stop.
Is Flloyd Landis really winning the tour?'

And then, October 2006.