It all started...

... in December 2010. To help understand the blog, and it's purpose, it may be best to view the beginning:

Start of blog

Quick - The sky is falling on our heads!

Asterix and all Gauls would cry with fear that 'the sky is falling on our heads', describing rainfall. So I re-iterate the exclamation, regularly in this month, as it always is a rainy month, April.

I just want to share my joy when analyzing this blogspot. The top two reffering search keywords are 'smile' and 'ok computer'. Google, unsurprisingly, is the main refferer. Both keywords are a great basic summary of the blog, and perhaps 'me'.

I think that I do mention my love for coffee, too much. The drinking of it will continue, of course, but i will talk about it, not. I will let you assume that the blog is caffeine fuelled!

The following two photos show how the weather is always better where I live!

North facing, towards birth place, Kingston

So, i turn around 180 degrees...

South facing, towards my new hometown, Surbiton

Now, I actually made the special trip into Kingston, to purchase the cds of FOE (clip in previous post), and of Jack White. Two special factors encouraged their purchase, not mp3. The FOE cd was sold in a cardboard case, and i always use to favour the semantics provided by a tactile card case. It is wonderful (the album's alright too). It was the day of release of Mr White's album, so was played  in the shop, and a personal hero (back in the day). Legend

smile, but who are you?

Right, sorry about my post title, it isn't directed, or aimed at the blog audience. It is merely a representation of what I often encounter amongst the general public.

So often i receive smiles from totally random people. Smiles are good and entirely positive. Fine, I encounter a smile, thank you, but why me? I realise that they may often be reciprocal, fair enough, but  i doubt that this is always the case.
I may be harsh but i think that people smile at me because they are unnerved or scared by encountering someone 'different' (disabled in a wheelchair). Sometimes a weird, evil, twisted part of me wants to play-up to the part, screaming expletives back at them, just for a laugh. But no.

The easiest, and best thing to do, is to acknowledge and return the smile, which usually surprises. Happy, content, in a wheelchair? Surely not?
Well have a read of my blog. It is usually where i overspill emotion.

Well done Chelsea! Half way there. Just go to that Catalan playground now, hmmmmm.

OK, another large point that i want to share here. I enjoy music as everyone does. I discover bands/groups that i like, but now have issues, in a wheelchair, as for my next step. I find that they play live somewhere, good, i'll go. Wait a second is it accessible? So many venues are up steps or downstairs, there may be a lift but I would have to make sure of accessibility. I may have to pre-pre-book tickets, because I am special or different. Humpf.

A recent discovery of mine, is yet another female-fronted act, but a lot more rocky, punky than my previous recommendations.

  FOE
Tyrant Song

My weekly rant about the current state of music and the death of the industry. Hmmm. I admit that I use Spotify, but i fear that it is encouraging people to 'cheat', creating their own playlists, turning them into radio stations. People don't have music collections any more, they have an ipod.

Mark Lanegan and Isobel Campbell

Come on over (turn me on)

I have made a note, that should improve everyone's mood. 'There are a lot of weirdos out there' . The fact that i made this note directly after 3 espresso(i), should be neither here nor there. Everyone should consider it relative, a 'weirdo' to one person might be fairly regular to another. But it is true, whenever people are down about whatever, we should remember that there is someone, somewhere, who feels the same or worse. Humans have strength, and must be strong to overcome troubles. Troubles only exist because they can be overcome, we must find how.

Previously plauded, I provide you with yet another photo of a brilliant shop sign.

there there

Hello,
As i tuck into a bag of 'Cadbury's Creme Egg Splats' (my very tasty easter present to myself). So, I also realise that my blog missed the festivities completely. Ah well, sorry.

My easter gift to you
http://www.ocado.com/product/66164011
i'm not paying!

Right, i do have plenty of notes on my phone yet again.
I start off on a very cheerful subject. The note "When I die, I want to be cremated sustainably, so my energy lives on."

There there. I have often thought this, even many years before my accident. I will not go into great detail, but i believe that energy stays with us, yet humans are constantly needing and fighting over more.

There there.

I have discovered a beautiful mini-landscaped-area in which a young child was whizzing around the tarmac loop on his bicycle. It was as i avoided his path, I remembered the proper time-trial loop on which i cycled around as a 9 yr old, impersonating Chris Boardman. I am now three times the age, but the circuit will be re-visited. Onto the 'to-do' list, it goes.

The original 'prologue route for myself aged 9. 

Both routes are about 100m in total. 

Below, my newly discovered course used by little cyclists!

It is great to see the love of cycling is still being given birth to, for children everywhere.

I got depressed on wednesday, my note : - I JUST WANT TO BE LIVING A NORMAL LIFE! GRRRR!!!!

I then noted that i needed to remind myself that i am too strong mentally to allow depression get me. I listened to some music (below). All was made better.

 

I was shocked as i was sat in my usual high street cafe, and in came two members/residents with a carer from one of the local 'homes', that I used as a rehabilitation home. 'Rehabilitation is a journey' that i am quite obviously on, but it hurts me to look back and witness those who are not on any journey at all. I know that i am outstandingly lucky to be on such a positive journey forward.

I want to make it clear that I am not 'out of rehab'. Rehabilitation is a lifelong journey, yet i don't have a specific destination i aim for. I just accept that my fate is my fate, directing me to my destiny. Essentially, I could be considered to have reached the big, long, final stage of rehab, LIFE.

My final note argues that 'negativity' = a positive. 'Negativity' is a statment or the realisation that there is a lack of a positive, so is therefore a positive itself.

The lowest anything gets is 0.000000000000000000000infinitely000001.

.... i think........ 

So is the largest anything can get 0.9999999999999999999infinitely? 

oh nevermind

  

Official press release

"As of the end of the 2011/12 football Premier League season, I will stop managing the famous PGTips fantasy football team. It has taken over my life, far too much. I am a fan of football, I miss just following it as a fan. I don't want to waste my effort, hoping that a lower-league team will keep a clean sheet, whilst i actually want to cheer on someone else. I am a football fan, I do not need this 'fantasy' game to maintain my love for the beautiful game."

i stand accused, just like you......

Yet again, I have plenty of notes to talk about, you lucky lucky folk!!

No small talk, or 'beating around the bush', straight in. First note, 'i sing' is quite self explanatory. I mean to say that I use my vocal chords (thank god i still have a beautiful voice, as ever) :p
Basically, i realise that i often used to feed this passion for music, through playing the guitar. Now I am probably unable to even hold a guitar properly, but I still have a passion for 'participating' along with all my CDs. I have always known most, if not all, words to Radiohead and Jeff Buckley songs. Vocally, it is a lot easier to companion Richard Ashcroft, meaning that my knowledge of all words from 'A Northern Soul', is not pointless for me. 17 years old, i think! But then, I am getting old.

  

My next note, I type in sheer horror. Basically, I have heard a rumour that someone whom I know (who may well read this), has talked down the importance of wearing a bicycle helmet. I am living proof that my helmet helped save my life. I am so glad that i had the sense of wearing my helmet. If you cycle and read this, can you please value your life and wear one. You will never know when it is needed.

I had to face facts earlier in the week. I made the special trip into Kingston, to visit the CD shop. I had with me a list of 6 artists of which 4 albums were released (my internet pre-research proved a success). 4 albums of which none were found. Great. I knew that my best way of getting the music was to download the mp3 off Itunes. I found it a sad moment as i was forced to realise that times are a changing.

I must also admit that I am shamefully addicted. There could be many things worse than coffee, but it feels rubbish knowing that i neeeeeeed one. I am dependent. I never thought i was, but now i completely understand what people say when they 'need' a coffee. It was painful, but it taught me something.

I was out today, along the towpath by the river, when i made my next note to talk about. 'Girls WANT to be looked at, maybe'.

Hehe, right, hmmmmmm. I don't think my note needs explanation. I am merely excusing myself. Men are men, and women are women. Some women wear clothes that are so blatantly seeking attention and aim to be looked at, they are. Good aesthetics need to be appreciated. hehe. 

Anyway, balancing my recent note's subject, I finish by using the dictionary 'Google images'. I look up 'Patrick', and what do i find an image of?

......oh joy.....

   

Ich spiel...

Je ne parlez pas dans un autre langue,
parceque...
... I AM ENGLISH.

Right, sorry. I think that made sense in German/French/English (gerfranglais). If it didn''t, diddums.
I have no coffee yet, but there is time, fear not.

Right, notes on my phone. Found.
First note was made last week. I had been invited to a 'resident's meeting' amongst my flat and its neighbouring flat block. There are only two blocks, i do not live on a university campus! As a responsible kinda' guy, i aim to make an appearance at least!
However, i find that it is planned to be held in the other block. Fair enough. On the first floor. Hmmm, right. There are no lifts. Just how are me and the fellow wheelchair resident, expected to attend? Will we be asked to shout up the stairs?
I turn up, the only wheelchair attending. Everyone has to come downstairs, and the meeting is held on the ground floor. Thank you, but this makes me feel 'special', 'disabled', and crap.
It really wouldn't be asking too much to foresee this issue, but, no. I am special, and I have got used to everyone making an exception for me. I AM special.

Anyway, I want to promote, yet again, my belief again, in fate. It may only be possible to view fate in response, or when viewing past things, but 'what'll be, will be' is true. As a designer, and following years of design education, deciding/designing the future, it has been hard/difficult for me to accept, but I have to.

Confused? Coffee.
coffee is got, WITHOUT CHOCOLATE.
doh, but no, i don't need it.

In Kingston, I found the greatest shop signage. So, a photo was taken and, I duly bought what was being sold. V good.

Iconic as the John Lewis building is, attention is immediately drawn down to street level...

I was in a cafe on my lunch break last week, gobbling down a pannini and coffee, when a large businessman strode confidently into the cafe, like a cowboy into a saloon bar. My attention diverted away from my meal, i couldn't help but hear him order. "A LARGE SKINNY HOT CHOCOLATE". I couldn't help but laugh out loud. I've got to be careful, but, c'mon? Big bloke, in a suit and tie, walking bullishly into a cafe, and ordering that? Please. 

Confidence is so important. For me self-confidence is invaluable. I realise that this must make me sound 'right up my own ******'. But hey, I do know the reality, and the seriousness of my situation. Fortunately, I have kept most, if not all, of my cognitive skills, which allow me to keep a certain level of self-confidence. In some respects, I feel that somewhere, somehow, I must have gained from my experience. I know that I have. All equals out. All.

Ok, enough self-loving. My next note deserves a formal explanation. I know that the headline on the back pages of all papers will contain this story:

"As of the end of the 2011/12 football Premier League season, I will stop managing the famous PGTips fantasy football team. It has taken over my life, far too much. I am a fan of football, I miss just following it as a fan. I don't want to waste my effort, hoping that a lower-league team will keep a clean sheet, whilst i actually want to cheer on someone else. I am a football fan, I do not need this 'fantasy' game to maintain my love for the beautiful game."

I feel the need to 'give' you a track of music, as ever. I realise that many will not play, and so, many will miss out.

   

It may be....

April fools day (but as we are past midday, all tricks are cancelled). As i  type, the big cycle race in Flanders is happening (i will  catch up with it later, on tv). Arsenal lost yesterday (the less said about this the better).

But....
... It is a beautiful day outside...
... placing me in a good mood... ...and...
I want to tell everyone that ...
... I AM GETTING THERE...

... it takes time, but, i always knew this. I am not learning to do things at a basic level. My physiotherapy is teaching me how to do things properly. It's a slog, but life is good (so much better than before).

... ok, i stop now as my head is getting far too big