Obsession...

I bought my beautiful racing bike, taking my obsession to cycling up to a new level. I remember having to learn to store both my mountain bike and my new Bianchi, whilst at university. I had quickly developed a route, on which i timed myself and speeds were tested in certain sections. I felt incredibly lucky that i could then go home on holidays, and whizz around the park, some fitness remaining from university time. By the time I had finished university, although there were two key things to keep maintained, my design work, and my girlfriend, I also realised that I could and should also concentrate efforts on my love for cycling (a lot easier).

I fuelled my love by joining a cycling club, at which there were many members who had not only the same love as i had, but a larger passion for the sport.

My following of the professional sport was allowed to grow reaching the climatic peak (probably literally) atop Alpe D'Huez for the 2006 Tour de France stage. I, myself, had raced at in the early season, but realising that most races that i would enter, would end in a bunch sprint (not for me, more of a climber), i focussed on watching the Tour in it's proper battleground.

Top: The front two riders, Damiano Cunego (pink and blue of Lampre), and Frank Schleck (red, black and white of CSC), were minutes ahead of the peleton. Schleck would win the stage.

Centre: The final bend is marshalled by poice prior to the arrival of the 'Tour'. 

Above: A demoralising 21 hairpins scatter the route up the 15.5 km of the Alpe D'Huez.

I then carried on cycling strongly in the summer. I did not race any more as i had already made the decision in early spring that it wasn't for me. I was quick to learn that I shouldn't be optimistic racing against Brits, who had flatlands in which to train. Few people may know, but i did have ideas of moving abroad, but these were just thoughts, not plans. I did enter, and ride the 'Stephen Roche' cyclosportive ( 160km, maybe, i cant remember) at the beginning of October, and this was another acheivement, cycling so far, in Northern France. I believe it was followed by my grandmother's funeral in the week after, I was in Birmingham to see my close girlfriend on the following weekend. I then mounted my beloved bicycle on the following weekend, and little did i know that it maybe my last bike ride forever.   

another day, another stage.......

.... as i watched todays' stage of the Giro (Tour of Italy), i was left watching Alberto Contador dominate again. He may be 'on drugs' as most probably are, but it is still quite incredible to view what the professionals do.
Sorry, whilst on the topic, watching cycling, and following the sport closely, i drew to love it unconditionally, noticing what it had given me, forming who i am. It gave me heroes, racing stories of whom I read, support grew and I easily became obsessed with different icons. Knowing about only a small portion of difficulties, pain involved, I could begin to understand why there is such a doping problem. When heroes were found 'guilty', they were proved human after all.

As I passed through my college years (16/17), I began to realise that I was more suited to XC (cross-country mountain biking), as i did not have a road bike, and i was only really experienced of off-road routes. The genre also suited my D&T a-level, as well as my job in the bike shop. I saved and bought a new hardtail frame-set (the Kona Kula). Although a mountain bike, it was not a heavy, full-suspension. I aimed to create quite a lightweight, fast machine, suiting myself as a lightweight 'climber'. I still followed the road-racing sport, and it was always quite easy to spot that i was a 'roadie' at heart.

I went for a great holiday trip to the French Alps, mountain biking for the first time abroad. I remember that a highlight for me was finding a stretch of road on a climb that was used on the great Tour de France. Once I had ridden on this road, for me, we could reach no better. 189 professional cyclists had raced on this very stretch of road, on which i was then riding! Incredible! Two years prior, obviously, but that wasn't the point!

Then came my big jump of living at university. Incredible as student life is, i also could recognise the satisfaction that i would get by joining the cycling club. Trips amongst local woodlands were combined with one great trip to Coed y Brenin, in Wales. This trip, as much as i enjoyed it, taught me a vital lesson.  Although i enjoyed cycling up (masochistic maybe), i was less certain about descending. I preferred to be on the road.      

In 2003, i had  saved, and bought myself a Bianchi SL3. A new chapter was about to start.

...continuation....

I continue with my story with great passion, as, over the years through various guises (aerobic sport and fitness, friendships, competition, sport and associated heroes, design, work, education, and more) it became a prime passion.

Once I had become hooked, riding laps around the park off-road, I was then allowed to brainwash both my dad and my brother into joining me in the Park. They could both see my passion for this and joined me, viewing the infamous 'Festina affair' at the Tour de France of 1998, with as much skepticism and cynicism as everyone had. It was a difficult time for the sport of cycling, it hurt as I was just falling in love with it, it spits this scandal at me, at the impressionable young age of 13 (soon to be 14).

As I recognised it as a huge problem which affected me, as a fan, I decided to read around the topic. I read Paul Kimmage's 'Rough Ride', a truly amazing book. I could see that there has been a problem in cycling for many years, and as the toughest of all sports, there will be this issue forever into the future. It's sad but true that anyone who is devoting their life to competition, often devotes everything. I have my own views on 'drugs in sport', but i shall not explain them on this blog.

Anyway, I struggled on, defending cycling to friends and family, and as i did, i realised that i had a passion here. I remember incorporating a cyclist into my first D&T project at school, designing a new GB cycling kit for my 'Graphics' G.C.S.E. coursework (for which I got my highest mark - A* i think, sorry, a major plug!).

I started my first job, part-time at Evans Cycles in Kingston a few weeks after my sixteenth birthday, in a new millenium.

...tbc(again)...

I shall never hang up my bike

...Literally maybe, but i mean to say that cycling has given me so much, it has helped form me as a person. As it has added so much to my life, I cannot give up on it just because it was involved in seriously damaging me.

I used to get seriously cross, upset with my bicycle when i was a child who was still learning how to ride at the late age of 9 years. I soon made up for the late start, timing myself to ride laps of my local recreation ground, by 10. I was already watching coverage the mighty Tour de France, on channel 4. I had first fallen for the event, watching Claudio Chiapucci ride through masses of tifosi, on his way to a stage win in Sestrieres (I think '92). Laps of the recreation ground, would equate for me as a Tour prologue event (initial, opening time trial), and I was Chris Boardman (superman).

After getting bored of the flat recreation ground, where speed often depended on whether its grass had been cut, I investigated Richmond Park, with friends. Initially I only rode the footpath between two gates (at most, a couple of kilometres). I immediately found joy as, as soon as it went up, my friends weren't behind me. I didn't show off, but they just couldn't keep up. I then remember persuading them to ride together up one of the longer climbs in the park (at kingston gate). I did it, tired, successful, but still a bit disappointed that I'd managed it. By the age of about 13 or 14 I was doing laps of the park (off-road). I admit that initially I always need to get off and push up the big climb in the park. I was in good company though. It seemed to me that all but good cyclists were having trouble up here. I was new.

These experiences of the getting the desire of freedom, speed, independance, competition, ability and love of my bike (my steed), were key for a young teenager, as i was. I soon realised that although a skinny schoolboy, who may not be the physically strongest footballer in the playground, my low body weight was a serious advantage when riding my bike. Humpf, 'okay, you've just tackled me, but i bet you can't get up this climb'. Football is incredibly important to 99% of the playground, as it was to me, but cycling is a more lonely, personal sport. I was quite comfortable in my own company, tackling my own personal records of speed, time, power, or whatever i chose, not relying on the ability of others. No excuses of other team-mates. I was quick to realise that everyone is different, abilities lie in different skills for different people, so, true competition could only ever exist with personal goals.
tbc.

The drugs don't work....

.... they just make you worse, but I know that I'll see your face again,...
No, sorry, I just have to make a 'drugs' reference because unusually, i type this on the weekend, and i type because my note was made yesterday as i thought about this issue. It may seem dulll and boring, or weird, whacky, as if i am stoned. It was on the way home from my local cafe, on friday 13th, hmmmmm.

Ok, whatever, who cares? Focus. It is very important for people to realise that making a smile (or 'smiling') should never be too much effort. I thought of this as I was halfway home, along the riverside. I try (no, naturally do, i hope) to wear a smile when going about town or wherever. I fortunately realise that smiling at totally random strangers (everyone) as they go past, can be positive. By making a deliberate smile at someone, can be nice, or quite down-putting/insulting, i feel. However, just wearing a smile is a good positive statement of self-content.
It was as i travelled back, that i realised, as the sun was out, most people seemed warm and full of self-content. However one can quickly and easily recognise discontent and coldness (the opposite characteristics), in those people who do not just wear a smile.
The note that I made was that 'a smile should never be too much effort'. This perhaps explains why a 'forced' smile is not positive, but if detected, could be depressing.

Enough smiling. stop saying cheeeeeeeeeese! Right, sorry. Coffee's finished, I continue to talk random rubbish, here goes...
I know that I regularly go on about how lucky I am etc. I do need to constantly tell myself, taking an 'out-of-body', 'external' view on everything, me, people, the world, and prospective futures. I often feel that typing this blog helps force me to look on things objectively. Anyway, to look positively (the only way), my life is a plus. I shouldn't be here, but thankfully, I am. To be honest, I often feel like I am experiencing an 'after life'. I am in 'bonus' time. Physically disabled, yes, no job at the moment, no wife or girlfriend, no (or very little) pressure. 'Bonus' time.

Depression....

Hehehe, now i've probably scared people, by using a happy title to this post. Fear not, neither this post, nor the blog are fuelled by  the thoughts of a deeply depressed young man, rather, caffeine.
Hmmm, right, now, I have no idea what i am going to write about this week, as i have no updated notes. Apologies, therefore if it is similar those previous.
Anyway, as i have not been paying attention, a large chunk of Toblerone (mmmmmmm) has melted all over my computer, and now my coffee is getting cold. Doh!
Anyway, right, I'm gonna' be short/quick because have a meeting tomorrow morning, planned(need to prepare). Basically, after receiving some compliments after the last but one post, I now realise that people would much rather read good stuff, than some sad, depressing, tear-jerking rubbish. Understandably.  You can assure yourself however, that, whatever is written here, is all 100% me. My thoughts (unless I include a quotation, a belief that I follow). Hopefully, those who have read, begin to understand the weird way in which my mind works.
The main issue that I want people to realise, is that it is hard to become depressed. Sad, yes, upset, yes, but properly depressed, no. When we stop and actually just realise how incredibly lucky we all are to be here, any problems or issues that we face should prove insignificant. This is what I hold onto strong, and have done since my accident. But, it does not just apply to me, it applies to everyone who lives or has lived. I do feel sad that it needed me to suffer my accident, until I actually felt this way.
Yes, I have been listening to a lot of more upbeat Coldplay, recently, but that has nothing to do with this positive attitude. Just look at the stars, and look how they shine for you, and everything you do... 

subconscious music reference....

Because i am strange, i seem to have subconsciously entitled the post below as a music reference. I remember watching Top of the Pops when younger, and on it I remember the 'Crash Test Dummies'. I searched, and Youtube is a wonderful tool.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DeAaTr2HYoc

Hmmmm mmm mmmmmmmm.......

I type this in the afternoon, as I've returned home from an unexpectedly 'quite cold' coffee trip. The coffee warmed me up, but the weather was surprisingly 'fresh'. Yet, as i type there are kids (or 'children', but no, 'kids') screaming, full of so much energy, outside in sunlight. Is 'kid' a more derogatory term? Who knows, soon, like the sun, they will disappear. But children are the future. hmmmmmmm. I am wearing a thin layer of clothes, and so misjudged the weather. COLD, we've had summer a couple of weeks ago.

OK! boring boring. The kids have gone in, more coffee is made, focus, type. Basically, I should tell that I did not feel in the best of moods earlier. A number of issues to be negative about, but no, you do not want to read about them. I can (and do) use this blog as an uplift, as I force myself to focus on positives (well, try). Shivering in the howling wind, I began to feel down about my existence. AAAAWWWHH. Wipe away the tears. But then I stopped, realised that i was feeling how i was, and thankfully i do still have my mind and power to stop and use my 'get-out clause wildcard'. By telling myself to stop and just realise how lucky I am to be here, i play the wildcard.

I believe that although everyone has their fate/destiny, we each have a certain degree of free will or choice. We must recognise it's power and learn how to utilise it. It is so so special, everyone must realise that they're so so lucky to have it. I realise that everyone's choices will be different, but they differ in order to create this beautiful world in which we live, in which the variation and possibilities of everything is/are endless.

Hmmmm. Right,got it? These are all my words, so please feel free to query if I'm misunderstood. It is this belief which I hold strong, and holds me strong. I feel it fair to say that I am so so grateful to everyone and everything who have affected me in some way or another. Essentially, so should everyone. But, i learn from history, everyday there is more and more to learn. I'll stop rambling, sorry.