... Life After Traumatic Acquired Brain Injury...
patrick.goodacre@yahoo.co.uk
Welcome to my blog. I post on this, roughly once a week (it does vary). I sustained a 'Traumatic Acquired Brain Injury', and a six month coma from a 'road traffic accident' whilst cycling, in October 2006. I spent the following 4 years (22-26yrs old), in a combination of hospitals and rehabilitation homes. Now, I have been living independently in Surbiton, England since October 2010. This blog begun life in December 2010, as i realised that there are many people worldwide that i want to share experiences with. I know that, as a wheelchair user, I am obviously not as mobile as i wish, so, use the internet to connect to you. I enjoy letting my thoughts represent through type. I type honestly. As numerous readers, as well as email recipients, will understand, I find typing to be very therapeutic. Thank you :)
Please note that this website cannot be viewed 100% successfully everywhere. It is designed for optimum viewing on a screen of 1920 x 1080 pixels.
My blog posts are always typed over notes that I have made throughout the previous week, so are chronological rather than ordered by importance!
It interests me to review how my mood has altered throughout the seven days. This past week peeked midweek.
'My life just gets worse' said a girl in a pair, making friends with two random guys.
Sitting, quite contently, alone in the cafe, when I had my attention distracted by two lonesome girls who were immediately pounced upon by two other male students, already in the cafe. Alone, I observed all four with self-awareness.
Oh man! I can do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
Anger was felt, as I realised that there is still so much that I miss out on, able to, or not. I have had to learn how to live life under a range of constrictions. I have the determined ability to teach myself individual ways around these 'constrictions', but no-one feels my experience.
The sad girl has no right to claim such a pessimistic view.
I get home. One immediate solution...
Jeff Buckley loud!
Eternal life
I feel lost and lonely. I apologise about the negativity of recent blog posts. I keep true to this blog, and just express myself honestly.
I have lost. I have tried to remain forever positive, managing to for the last ten years. Now, I have no reason to. Magic girlfriends in magic jobs for magic lives do not exist. I AM NOT A MAGICIAN!
Satisfied mind
One thing’s for certain...
Midway through the week, I receive an email explaining that some work is required...
:)
I realise how low I had been feeling, and felt the need to cite 'positivity maintenance'.
How to maintain positivity...
Convince yourself that everything that is supposed to happen, happens. Examples can be reflected on, and your path of fate traced, recognised and belief, strengthened.
Keep these thoughts to yourself, no one can understand your mind fully.
You should not try and predict future accurately, just remain confident in your beliefs. The results will prove your strength, to you. More self-confidence!
It is thursday evening, and we may be facing the apocalypse come 7am tomorrow morning. I am referring to the possibility of a B***t electoral victory. In my eyes it is a swearword so i ban it from this blog!
Anyway, moving on I check the notes that i have made this week, and i notice an interesting pattern over recent times. I become a lot more content, and satisfied as my week progresses
(so it seems).
OK
A democracy can never fail. Right?
A utilitarian approach to politics must provide the correct answer. However if possible answers are failures, aiming to cheat the system, then problems will occur.
A nationwide referendum, is the fairest 'system', unfortunately not all possible answers were lawful.
Results. This country has made a horrendous mistake.
I pity those who think we have the best conclusion.
a mistake!
Nigel Farage tells Good Morning Britain that £350 million a week for the NHS was a 'mistake'
Pull out of the EU and what do we have? The UK parliament elected on a FirstPastThePost system, with decisions made by simple majority and approved by an unelected house of lords made up of the great and the good of the neoliberal project?
People mustn't be fooled by Brexit. The EU consists of numerous different parliaments whose members are all voted for democratically! Denial of this, shows ignorance. Beware!
Once out, we'll be gone forever...
Is it correct to enforce our loneliness on our future generations?
Do we want to survive alone? Can we?
Do we 100% trust these characters to lead us away?
Remember our responsibility to future generations, vote in the EU Referendum on Thursday 23rd.
Please remember that global stability is at stake. There are many many countries who face these far right uprisings. Others may well copy us, resulting in many, many countries wanting to survive alone. Such competition between countries will be bad. We need to unite together, otherwise enemies will be created. No-one wants war. Peace.
'The referendum is not to cut ourselves off from the rest of the world,'... but it is a huge step, by a country often considered 'leaders' who everyone else watches and may attempt to match. Such a leap into the unknown is not only stupid, but irresponsible too!
This blog…
Each weekly blog post is to be titled by a song lyric.
Big news for me, unfortunately. My iPad (on which, this blog is written), was damaged by my wheelchair, a few months ago. It has worked temporarily ever since. Then last Friday, the screen crack had grown, implying that it's death is imminent. Sad news.
'I see you in lots of different places. You get around everywhere'
I was greeted with the above phrase, on the weekend, whilst heading towards the riverside. I smiled back showing warm gratitude. I guess that the old lady was surprised at seeing a wheelchair which is regularly 'out and about'. I am the owner of this wheelchair, and so recognised again how successful my 'drive for independence' has been, progressing me from hospital life through rehabilitation. It is such a shame that most people don't have this determination (or maybe it is a good thing?)!
The worst thing is that I am affected by brown eyes, similarly, but I always believed in their strength not their weakness. I forget that I have brown eyes.
Brown eyes can be sooooooo deep, meaningful, stirring and mysterious. Infinitely powerful.
27kph
Just a quick note. Gym bike when I stay in my wheelchair and pedal away.
Another PB, proves to me that I still improve.
‘We’
Just another quick note regarding the EU Referendum. The 'Brexit’ campaign are using arguments all which focus on issues to with this country, Britain.
They argue that ‘We'll be better off’.
OK, firstly who is ‘we’? It is 21st century currently, it is madness to consider nationalistic benefits, whilst knowing that elsewhere will feel negatives due to British greed. The days of the British Empire are long gone. Those who want it back, probably read ‘The Daily Nail’, and deserve NOTHING. The best way at considering big issues like this, is to consider that everything balances. For every positive, there is a negative. For every financial gain by somebody, there HAS to be a loss for someone else, somewhere. In this current age of hi-technology, with global media, EVERYONE can witness global truths. Countries cannot live alone. If a country is going alone and somehow gains significant financial benefit, we would know that somewhere someone else is feeling a huge loss because of this. This global instability will lead to further wars in an age where scientific advancements and human technological developments can risk human existence itself.
The Daily Nail could be seen as deliberately inciting racial hatred. How is this filth legal?
Read by the elderly…
Dazzling Queen, Jewels (‘free’ - classy)!
Hiding the ‘main headline’ suggesting that the ‘Remain’ will just let 1 and half million Turks settle in Britain.
I stop analysing, because it’s disgraceful stance, hurts me.
This was just a random example, of the slurs that 'the elderly’ read.
The Daily Nail, is stuck, somewhere between 1939 and 1945, so it is welcomed as a ‘genuine newspaper’ by many ‘over 70s’, and the British far-right.
This is why Brexit IS real possibility. Scary.
I am sorry, if you disagree with me. As you can see this blog is about me and my views, if you don’t like them you are free to close the page! I am not a national newspaper attempting to brainwash the uneducated.
Football
Watching a defence perform with total confidence was special. Close friends will know that I have always been a fan of Italian football. I grew up receiving regular praise for my ability as a defender. Being a lifelong fan of Arsenal helped. However watching 'Football Italia' opened my eyes to further styles, besides 'boring, boring Arsenal'. I learned quickly, how defending was being developed into an art form by Italians. Watching their national team on Monday against Belgium, perform the lessons taught by their predecessors, was delightful.
God, I love Italians defending a 1-0 lead. There was something brutally beautiful about the way that the Belgian attack was almost completely neutered by the Italian defence. Romelu Lukaku may have had worse evenings but not many. Every time the ball came anywhere near him, there was an Italian on hand to poke a toe in or kick him or generally just put him off. Ditto with Kevin De Bruyne who also had one of those nights. And when Eden Hazard turned and ran with the ball, they just guided him into less dangerous areas.
As the second half progressed and things got more heated, they resorted to the odd tactical foul. And when I say odd, I mean any time they had to. You could see them thinking ‘it’s about time for me to collect a yellow card’ and then wrestling a Belgian to the ground just as it looked as if an attack might develop. It was fabulously cynical.
When they played the national anthems before the game, the camera panned along the teams. The Belgians looked like modern footballers do. All massively over the top £300 haircuts and jewellery and ridiculous tattoos. Naingolan had what looked like a flower on his neck. They looked like young boys with too much time and money on their hands.
Whereas the Italians looked like men about to do a job of work they’d done many times before. The last few in the line were Giorgio Chiellini, Andrea Barzagli, Leonardo Bonnuci and Gianluigi Buffon. Combined age 133 and over 350 international caps between them. They were lustily singing the Italian national anthem and they looked relaxed and ready. They didn’t look in the least concerned about having to play one of the top ranked teams at the tournament.
Part of the reason that people love the Premier League is because it’s exciting and there are lots of goals. One of the reasons is that we do have some amazing attacking talent but mainly it’s because there are very few players who know how to defend anymore. (The exceptions to this last season were Wes Morgan and Robert Huth and look where their team ended up). Sure John Stones can tackle when required but I don't sense it’s something he loves. Laurent Koscielny is quick and strong but I don’t see him leaving someone in a heap on the floor on purpose.
Whereas the Italian centre backs go about their destructive work with a gleeful exuberance. They will do anything to stop you scoring which let’s face it is the entire point.They’re disciplined, well drilled, they work as a team and they absolutely LOVE defending. Martin Keown as co-commentator was almost purring at some of the tackles. And let’s not forget that they can all play. Bonnuci played the pass for the first goal and Pirlo would’ve been proud of that one.'
'Italy's triumph was a result of superior organisation and discipline against 11 Belgian individuals who appear to possess, on paper at least, the greater talent.’ http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/36457308
I warn people that our decision will not just affect British Sovereignty, this is the 21stCentury, global stability could be seriously damaged. Other countries could face a reaction of right wing/far right/fascist risings. Very scary. Everyone has a global duty.
I was feeling 'rather grumpy', earlier in the week, so made a note, to give it a voice...
Grrr! I am alive but I am not living. I am here, and now i just have to let life happen to me. I have desires but feel that it is TOTALLY POINTLESS to want anything. Everyone always praises me for keeping a strong mentality, but honestly, I have no choice. Whenever I feel down, I face facts that there is nothing i can do, just live life, and time will tell. Time, ten ****ing years! Over five and a half years ago, I left my rehabilitation home, to begin real life again. Two key pledges that i made to myself, I would find employment, and I would fall in love with a partner. Hmmm, 30% (fail) is the mark i give myself. I have found employment, but voluntary, and i fall for females, but none ever fall for me. My emotions are forever spilt out on this blog, which only gets updated once-a-week, and i have little idea who views it, just numbers. Who are you?
This blog is about positive things, sorry.
Life, so it goes.
Inane smile. P***!
The four-letter word was uttered towards a man who unintentionally caused due offence through his inane, pathetic, stupid, childish behaviour. As he passed me he wore such a grin directed towards me. I felt like he was belittling me, he didn't know me at all, just saw me in a wheelchair, so thought he would chuckle and grin at me. Sorry, but WTF?! &@£*#
Then, midweek, it was raining.
I cheered up when I realised, one of my key strengths of personality.
I can see the good in most things. Instantly. I can choose whether I want to view things as positive or negative, if i want to. I am confident I know how to alter my perception.
As you may know already, I am keen fan of BBC radio 6Music. They regularly advertise the 'BBC Music' app. Once installed, and signed up, you can then begin compiling a playlist. If you ever hear a song you like, click '+', adding it to your playlist. Then you can listen again to a mini-version, whenever, found on YOUR playlist.
I haven't fully investigated this yet, but regularly use it, to remind me of my 'new discoveries', worth further investigation.
My three latest additions to MY playlist (new for me, maybe not everyone)... watch the videos or follow the links...
I have the iPhone 6+ which is large enough to act as a mini-sketchpad. Qualified in design and graphic design, I often think visually, so having this app always ready on my iPhone is very handy.
The EU referendum. This is serious. It is too close to call. Please just think about what we, the rest of Europe, and everyone risks to lose if we choose to break off, alone.
Please make sure you do your bit to keep this country stable. Global stability relies on British stability. Vote REMAIN.
Please.
More often than not...
I smile, I can't help but smile
No matter how low I feel inside my mind, as soon as I am outside, amongst the general public, I have to smile. Although very busy public environments do not induce a smile.
"Charming man"
I was introduced, complimented for being such. I admit that I could be considered 'charming', however I do not know if I find this complimentary. Perhaps my problem is that I am very sarcastic, much of the time, and 'charming' is very regularly used as a sarcastic, derogatory term.
I follow a pair of suit-wearing young men, with identical short haircuts who accompany a young woman. I always feel so different. I never lived that life. I never wanted to, but I never had the chance to. I had almost finished 'student-life', then I wake up, disabled, in hospital!?
I've missed out on potentially a few wonderful, life-defining years of life, instead, I experienced them as 'restart from DOS' mode. Fortunately I had backed-up some files, but my brain had crashed, so I had lost key programme files. Several basic programmes were lost. Much of the data that I retained is worth nothing without the ability to run the programmes.
Oh, I am human!
I always get all the nutters who see my wheelchair, get scared, then get the need to greet me with a 'hello'. I acknowledge all, but sometimes I am left dumbfounded. This is often not taken kindly, I often feel even further sub-normal.
'God bless you, and a speedy recovery.'
I was grabbing lunch in a large, Kingston sandwich cafe, opening my chocolate-covered cranberries, when a man tapped me on the shoulder, calmly giving me those words. Kind words, but I didn't respond. I was left with my mind distressed. I thought that I am used to living my life now, but I will forever be dumbfounded, hurt, and surprised, by being considered so different from, and below everyone else.
Forgive,
Forget
Continue
Only recently, earlier this week, do I find the BBC webpage 'Ouch: Disability' (weblink)...
Very interesting, I recommend. Whilst listening to an episode, I was introduced to the term 'Wheelchair-Freed' instead of 'Wheelchair Bound'. I hate the latter term. Sooooo negative. A term to be used by most, describes the gain of freedom through a wheelchair, without which bed-ridden.
But... 'On one hand, if determinism is true, all our actions are predicted and we are assumed not to be free; on the other hand, if determinism is false, our actions are presumed to be random and as such we do not seem free because we had no part in controlling what happened.'
I heard that 'the thing of the future' is a glass coffin...
Potentially very good, but remains to be seen.
...
...
;)
Always credit your jokes, where possible. So, thank you Chet Patel. V good!! :)
