I'm really sorry, but...

I must apologise as some of the 'honest, truthful language/humour' that I use, can be taken offensively! I guess that not everyone easily receives such behaviour well. I will not change, I just have to be careful of my audience selection!! It is potentially dangerous, as I am regularly commended for my use of honest language, yet sometimes I am told off!

'What exactly do you do?' Many will wonder, and would like to pose me this question. I find myself regularly asking myself such. I may depress myself when thinking how 'different' my life is, but this is obviously balanced by my joy/pride in/of my own achievements. I have to remain proud of everything that I do, because only I know how far I have progressed. I am human though, and regularly desire more. I am still financially unemployed, but I take great pride in the work I do. I work 'voluntarily' for both KCIL (Kingston Centre for Independent Living), and the South West London Green Party. I like to believe in what I am working for. I realise that everyone must, but I enjoy working for a belief, rather than just believing what i work in. My spare time is minimised due to 'wheelchair life', but I ensure that my main priority is my neurological physiotherapy and the gym.  Behind all of this, I always ensure that I get my three coffees per day (morning, afternoon, evening)!

However, I am often troubled by thoughts which only flash across my mind. I do not receive a salary. I do not have a partner. I have not been in love, or even kissed anyone romantically for nine years. I need love. I live alone. I am regularly greeted by people about town, quite randomly. I hardly ever socialise in a larger group. I enjoy having this blog as it is a chance to communicate identical messages to everyone, worldwide. I think. A lot. My problems do cause stress, but you must all know that I have supreme self-belief...

I live! :)

the best coffee to have been served in a cardboard cup!...

The above comment was notified by myself, last week. I was attending a Green Party meeting at Kingston University. Scheduled for 7.30, I turned up at 7.00, just in time to grab a coffee, from the front building. Relieved, but, 'oh no', it was served in a disposable card cup (obviously not my choice)! I sighed in despair, however, tasted the coffee and was very pleasantly surprised. I definitely approved. I maintain that coffee is a far too superior drink to be drunk out of a piece of instantaneous rubbish.

"Drinking coffee from a disposable cup, It's a lazy American idea.' (Hussar's Espresso House 25/09/15)

Starbucks girls

'I'm really sorry but it's Starbucks, I can't !’

Earlier in the week, travelling down Surbiton high street, I see two girls who handing out something. As I progress, I see their green aprons, and see that they are giving out small drinks for public tasters. I then rapidly conclude, panic, but am intrigued. A couple of Starbucks staff are testing new drink samples on the public. I cannot get out of their way! Two young girls, approach me, offering free coffee...

.... I was kind, I didn't flick their tray of drinks back over them, in disgust. I was restrained! They looked puzzled, by my response, given above.

I have finished my ‘Kindle book’ ('Mastery of Fate’ by Christian D. Larsson), so I have moved on, forwards to a paperback book! Tactile. Paperback books, remember them? 

Jean-Paul Sartre - ’The Age of Reason’ - 1945.

Morning Espresso Macchiatto

Slippery slope, I know. I have started drinking my 'morning coffee' earlier, and earlier. I am at the stage now, where I nip to my local (and best) cafe before breakfast for a Macchiatto. I allow myself, as it counts as one of my 3-a-day, and milk intake is negligible.

http://www.goodenergy.co.uk

If I was floating in money! :(

I finish this week's post talking about another hugely personal issue, nothing to do with coffee! It is the time of year when energy supplies get charged. Although I have been forever aware of the large need of renewable energy sources, it is only in the past few years, living independently, have I researched and found a good route.

I desperately want to have a clean conscience, choosing renewable energy (as I am sure many do). However, finance has to be considered. Unfortunately, finance is the deciding factor! This is the case for everyone, so I fear a lack of success for such a global necessity.

mystifying

I enjoy mystifying people.

Sitting outside my favourite haunt, with the best cappuccino (as always, at 'Amici'), late summer sun. Happy. I get a few strange looks, but this is no surprise, does not offend, but enlightens me! This is a fairly regular case. Often children are puzzled by me, sometimes adults. I check, and do not have a face full of cappucino!  I can only think that people do not expect a disabled wheelchair user, to be 'able' at all. They do not know which box I fit in! 'A disabled, wheelchair user' or a 'an average human being'. No one wants to be 'average', and I don't enjoy being 'disabled', so I try and fit somewhere in between!

Personal space on a packed train! :)

Last Sunday I travelled on a train, which was to get jam packed before I reached Waterloo. In my wheelchair, I sat quite contently in 'my space' in the carriage. I knew I was lucky to be there, but then realised that I was so fortunate to board the train a couple of stations before it got packed. I would not be able to jump on board a 'jam-packed train' (squeeze on, in a wheelchair)! My final destination was to be Trafalgar Square, watching and photographing the cyclists (see previous post)!

Crippled by lack of keyboard, and phone!

Monday arrived, and I felt down. I found, the previous evening, that my Mac keyboard was dying (it had died, but I refused to accept this, and tried EVERYTHING). Unsurprisingly, nothing had changed come morning. I would have to shop, after the Monday morning gym. It was at the bus stop that I realised that I didn't have my mobile phone!!

WHAT?

Stress!

I hoped that I had left it at home, but wasn't sure..

I surprise myself! Black BMW

I don't excuse myself. I do not want to. I approached a zebra crossing of busy Surbiton High Street. Most cars stop, but not all. So I approach it slowly carefully. I slide down the curb, to cross. Then this car blocks my path, speeding across! I raise my arm in dismay. As I do, I realise that it is a black BMW, so my middle finger raises as well!

Then rapidly lower it as I realise what I had done. As I had given him the middle finger, he was waving apologetically anyway. I was left surprised by myself. It was the first time that I had ever done such. I felt guilty, but was unsure.

Lucky tenner 

Bus

My luck changed for the good, in the afternoon. I came across some money in the street. I had seen it, but it was only as I drove over it, and trapped this paper with my wheelchair did I check what it was!

I then approached the bus stop, as the bus arrived perfectly. :)

My luck was completed as I found in the shop, that my desired keyboard was at a discounted price. I returned home, and immediately saw where i had left my mobile phone!

WOOH, a sigh of relief!

The Staves - If I Was (2014) http://www.thestaves.com

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ln8A9sBj2_0&list=PLWYFrQa5cYBEdoeIgFnZdJW4c9Md-jFnL

behind Jeff Buckley

… Martha Wainright

?

I rate The Staves soooo highly that I think that I only consider two artists to hold more supremely pure vocals, from my music collection (therefore, the whole of ever! ;)). Only Martha Wainright and of course Jeff Buckley have purer voices than the Staves! My opinion. 

i always find a way of independent success, but

The fear of my wheelchair running out of battery power clears all possibility of attaining independent success.

i remember having total fear in PE/Gym classes at school (beginning aged 9 i think). Running like mad at a wooden box, caling it a ‘horse’, and throwing oneself over. WHAT? I lacked mental strength to do this (it just seemed plain stupid), and  caused myself total fear and therefore greater inability. This is an example for me, of the importance of self-belief, regarding physical ability. 

Tour of Britain

I visited Trafalgar Square yesterday with my Dad, to watch yet again, the final stage of The Tour of Britain.
The image below depicts where i was (although you may be able to tell from the photos!!!)

(instagram filter used on above)!!

hehehe... hmmmm ;)

my favourite (current wallpaper)...

Sit down, stand up

The Tour of Britain (6-13 September), signals the end of 'short-wearing summer', this year. I often try and push until Paris-Tours/World Championships, but I live in Britain so never experience a true summer. You will be able to recognise that I have always, and continue to live by the pro-cycling calendar!

Life in a wheelchair gives you something that is extremely valuable. One can judge everyone's reaction of a 'wheelchair-encounter', and therefore very rough personality judgements can be made! This sounds like a harsh warning, but it is true. Everyone reacts in such varying manners, I find it very interesting. So many people are scared, it may be funny, disappointing, or enlightening. 

4km in 10minutes

The above note, I write with a weird touch of self-pride. I am proud of recording my 'post-accident PB'. Attained at the gym on gym-bike pedals, last Monday, did mean however, that my legs were too tired and had been overworked, for other exercises. I rapidly calculated this to be an average speed of 24kph. Just 10 minutes. Hmmm but ok.

The Sun &

The Times are evil s***s

Such bad headlines on two of the biggest national newspapers.  As there is massive, global problem regarding the refugee crisis, different people seem to react in different ways. These 'publications' consider themselves 'neutral'. Both use headlines of such abusive and derogatory language aimed towards fellow citizens of this planet, it only leaves me in despair. I can only hope that my feelings are felt by vast amounts, widespread. These journals have made a mistake, and they will suffer in popularity, for such racist propaganda.

Warning 

Self-doubt. Hmmm. My strong belief in fate, confuses me. Is it fake? Am I just giving myself an excuse to stop dreaming, or creating targets/goals? Oh, it is bad, if so. Everyone needs goals to focus on. Aim to live your dreams. Oh, but I did have, yet they were definitely taken away. I cannot reignite. I had completed/achieved so many targets. My belief in fate, tells me that I do have a future, I am just left aimless, floating in the ocean, alone, without a purpose, at the moment. At the moment...

Happiness WILL arrive 😎

You always reap what you sow 

The above note refers to a belief stated by Christian D Larsson, in his intriguing book, which I have finally finished (Mastery of Fate, Your Forces, and How to Use Them).

Deeeeeeep. But thought provoking. I like.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-34208624

Very very interesting. No comment.

Sit down, stand up (or click here)

Music this week, was decided during my physiotherapy session. I am now at the stage where a large part of the session is focussed on me leaning forward from a sat-on-chair position, into a stand (without my foot splint). Obviously this does depend vastly on what chair you begin in! Everything develops, and things can be practiced/learnt, with repetition.

Why don't you tell like it really is?

I open with a smile super tune that is playing at the moment in the cafe whilst I write this.  Quite apt, but actually, unfortunately tells of liars!

Mr Writer (acoustic link)

I immediately follow with a video of my hero, Michele Bartoli. I was only thirteen at the time of this key success (1998 Liege-Bastogne-Liege). The same year, I bought the jersey etc, although still on a mountain-bike (I didn't graduate to my beloved Bianchi road bike until 2002)!

I refused to miss viewing him racing in London. I got the jersey signed by him at The Tour of Britain 2003 :) !!!

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GSiMvt8y8A4

I have always been a fan of water (drinking water).

All of my life, the above fact has been true. I always thought that I used to only drink it out of necessity as a cyclist, it is only really now that I begin to sense the benefits of keeping well hydrated! Coffee dehydrates :(

An unusual, but incredible music offering this week.

Nils Frahm & Olafur Arnalds

http://www.juno.co.uk/products/olafur-arnalds-nils-life-story-love-glory/585019-01/

A mad story.

I approach a crossing...

An oncoming cyclist is approaching, slowing, and waving me across!

'I have to cross here, it's far too scary to turn off the road'!!!!

That is right, the woman was cycling on the road, and she wanted to turn right. She didn't want to cross oncoming traffic, so she continued until a zebra crossing (where I was). She walked across then cycled back down the road until she turned-off to the left. I was left extremely irritated. A middle-aged woman, confident enough to cycle, but not confident of cycling amongst traffic. I was being harsh, but it just reiterated to me that cyclists are 'below' cars, in everyone's hierarchy.

There are worse places to be stuck...

Summer's gone. It rains (any season). It was too heavy to be outside, smiling. I predicted the heavy shower, so close to home, but not in the mood for the risk. The espresso was welcome.

It is always good to have a dream-like goal that is possibly part-unknown, but realistically attainable. I know how far I have come, and most of you will tell me to stop dreaming too much. However, I am lucky, I have been placed on a journey of improvement. I don't know on which paths my fate takes me (no-one does), but I have learnt to accept this. I keep thinking that I have found my pathway, but only time will tell! :)

Be happy. Be content, but let your fate choose your path. Fighting against fate causes sadness and despair. Learn to accept, love and respect your fate.

Thank you Christian D Larson

but... No. 1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVNgv-VVNlo

I stopped as I began to realise how stupid I must have looked!

The note above was made yesterday. I was finishing my lunch after physiotherapy, I was in a big cafe/lunch bar in Kingston. After finishing, I knew that my empty tray, drinks bottle, food packaging etc, was to be cleared away by a member of staff. I was horrified as I realised that my tray will probably be collected and all contents were likely to be swept away together into a generic refuse bin. No no no no no! NO! I panicked at the thought, but realised that there was little that I could do. I didn't want this issue to be ignored, I took the time to carefully sort my rubbish into different piles, according to material. The likelihood is that this made no difference at all, but maybe at least it made someone aware of my thoughts, and the human-necessity of recycling!