written b4 my birthday
I am stressed out! Hurting, facing the sad facts of reality. I am 31 this week, and i haven’t had a girlfriend since my previous life, when i was 22. I find attractive friends, but can remain only friends. No-one falls in love with someone so dependent on a wheelchair. Correction, actually, yes ‘love as a friend’. No more. Yes, I have tried dating sites. After years of subscription, I have been on ‘dates’. As long as i am trapped by my wheelchair, nothing ever will happen. No girl could ever find a wheelchair physically attractive. Who knows how long i will need something as such? Maybe…
I try and stay positive, but is this just covering the anguish? It works temporarily, but…….
….oh enough..
sorry
fear not, i just typed the above when feeling down. It describes one of my main issues that has troubled me for the past 9 years. I’ve lived through it, and continue to push it aside.
S*** happens.
It is so important to have confidence in yourself. Owning sufficient self-confidence allows you to attempt what you wish, without it, life can be too hard.
How to own it? Belief.
Don’t need the belief of anything, but yourself. Believe in yourself. Act as you feel is the best way, and things that you wish to happen, will start happening. Recognise this, and continue to believe in all that you do. If you have doubt over something, don’t do it. Only do what you believe is right. Once you start achieving goals, use the experiences of achieving them to convince yourself that you can attempt more. Once started, why stop believing? Believe in your own ability. The belief will provide you with confidence. Both things can grow with each other. It is so important to remain in control, and not be arrogant. Realise that you can control this self-confidence, be internally proud of your ability. Only you know the life you have battled through (everyone is different), so you cannot show off to anyone but yourself. Keep proud of yourself, your self-confidence will grow alongside self-belief.
Preliminary band, contemporary dance then Nils Frahm enters about halfway through
One superb gift that I received on my birthday, was a much needed electrical coffee grinder. I did fear that I would lose much of the product semantics, by only needing to switch an electrical switch on and off. But, no, human interaction is maximised. You have to press and hold a switch! Depending how long you hold and grind, results in different grinds. Different methods need different grind quality:
Cafetière - coarse
Drip Filter - medium
Stove-top machine - fine
5turnsinto6!
I am proud. I successfully, lasted six days without coffee. I proved to myself, that I am not addicted. I love coffee, but have proof that I do not need it.
My close friend and I were going to finish the 5-day ban on my birthday evening, but alcohol was just too appealing, so it was 6 days!
No comments:
Post a Comment