I search...

I fail. Notes for this blog are made throughout the week. I then compile them on Friday. I publish it almost straight away. Only then, do I review it. My own mistakes irritate me, so much. I spot mistakes, immediately after, too late!...

....‘Double negative’ mistake, amongst others, spotted last week!

Seemingly there is always atleast one new error in the English grammar used. I’m then embarrassed when I read through it, having already been published, and spot the errors! I correct them, but too late.

Acquired Brain Injury Rehabilitation. I have lived through much of this. Physiotherapy is essential for almost all patients. One aspect of life that is essential for all, but ignored at this stage, by everyone (patients included)... 

Romance

I have forever felt this, and been forced to accept complete reliance on fate. Any offer of help, and I would have laughed it away. I have never ever felt that I wanted any help, I accepted my reliance on ‘fate’. Maybe, I am still like this. I don’t want anyone to interfere, but no-one has an insurance policy and I do hurt when i think of the ‘impossible’.

I have been largely talking on this blog, existentially, of how things balance. 

Am i alone, foolishly dreaming of ‘fate’ and ‘a  balance’?

Marlon Williams with Aldous Harding

I will forever feel in debt to everyone. The help that I have received from so many people, is only sometimes necessary, but always appreciated. I feel an overwhelming response is needed, supporting our earth. I know my personal limit, but I know that human possibilities are limitless. Nothing is 100% impossible (anything is possible). 

I hurt, and feel upset, when I step back and look at myself. Unemployed, disabled, single man...

... Search for positives...

I work voluntarily for causes close to my heart. My Graphic Designs are very positively received.

My physiotherapy ability is always improving, traveling along a very long road. I do progress.

Fates all tell unique stories.

I am a lucky man.

2.53km

New TUE 

I reached my target goal on my ‘motoMED GymBike’. I am happy to have succeeded immediately with a new ‘training schedule’ I ride every day of the week, rest on the weekend, then aim to attain success at the ‘Monday Gym Session’. I take it seriously (but I know that I not ‘competing’ against anyone)!

Therefore I want to admit that I very recently have been using a new, better leg splint (which holds my heel in ‘correct’ position). A TUE (Therapeutic-Use Exemption)?

For forever, or since early childhood, I have felt  a human obligation to create or design  something that is viewed by as broad a range of people, as possible.

It means so much to me that I can reach-out, and communicate worldwide, through this blog. Thank you.

‘Independent determination’ is a characteristic that I hold with pride. For a long, long time, since my childhood, it has been clear to me that you only ‘get out’, equivalent to what you ‘put in’. The more that one trains in a sport, the better that you can become. My life, since my accident has placed me in a seemingly endless list of situations, in which I can feel damaged. More importantly, I recognise improvements that I seem to regularly achieve. These are only because I can gauge my performance quality compared with the previous time that I attempted the task. If someone ‘helps me’, they are only helping ‘in the moment’, I am cheating myself! I don’t like it!!!

It alarms me, as I feel able to recognise how little other people know about themselves. A regular at various hospitals, i am very used to other physiotherapy patients. Doctors and therapists are trained to use the most simple communication with them. I know that I am very lucky, rare and unusual in being so aware of my own physical abilities. My life as an active cyclist, taught me so much, including how to understand my body. Recognition of how far one can push themselves physically, is key. One will realise that the answer is 99% a mentality issue.

Check The Meaning 

A = B

‘Welcome to my blog. I post on this, roughly once a week (it does vary). I sustained a 'Traumatic Acquired Brain Injury', and a six month coma from a 'road traffic accident' whilst cycling, in October 2006. I spent the following 4 years (22-26yrs old), in a combination of hospitals and rehabilitation homes. Now, I have been living independently in Surbiton, England since October 2010. This blog begun life in December 2010, as i realised that there are many people worldwide that i want to share experiences with. I know that, as a wheelchair user, I am obviously not as mobile as i wish, so, use the internet to connect to you. I enjoy letting my thoughts represent through type. I type honestly. As numerous readers, as well as email recipients, will understand, I find typing to be very therapeutic. Thank you :)

Please note that this website cannot be viewed 100% successfully everywhere. It is designed for optimum viewing on a screen of 1920 x 1080 pixels.’

It alarms me to find that, those who view my blog on a mobile phone, have probably never read my introductory text (situated below my logotype, on computer screen) when viewed on a mobile phone! Hence, copied above.

I will no longer discuss the football of ‘my teams’, on this blog. 

Anyway... Gym bike

2.47km in 5minutes

30 metres short - but I love pushing myself to the max, on a set of pedals! Afterwards, I just faced-facts. I knew that I had just sprinted, exerting as much as i physically could do. Content. Although, short of my ‘mental target for this springtime’, i am ‘on track’, and I am happy that I pushed myself to 100%. It is nowhere near a PB, but it is only February!

29.6kph

‘Mate, careful, look at the road!’

I sit at the bus-stop, after neurogym-time at the hospital. I look right, towards oncoming traffic, mentally pulling an imaginary bus towards me...

Then WOAH! Reality...! 

I am alarmed by a young lad who has been cycling manically on the pavement, but then just bounds off of the curb, down into the road. Tracksuit billowing, and still chewing gum, he is totally oblivious to other traffic already on the road. The cars remain polite, and don’t react to such foolish behaviour!..

He survives...

Such greedy, stupidity, offends me. People like him result give the general public a negative attitude towards all bike riders (including ‘proper cyclists’ too).

I shout the warning, calmly as I am trying to help!

I first heard the following musician, earlier this week. Only through subsequent investigation do i realise that he has been around for a few years, and his release (today’s ‘Make Way For Love’), is in fact the second album of Marlon Williams.

Honestly, I was unsure at first, but in sensing his quality, I held through the first 5 minutes. Quality was confirmed as i listened to more and more. The power and pure quality, of his vocals are unique. I cannot compare him closely to anybody else, his style seems too unique, for me. Two artists of similar vocal qualities, ‘Anthony and the Johnsons’, and ‘Jeff Buckley’.

I shock myself, as I realise that I have always held Jeff Buckley completely supreme, incomparable to anyone!

Marlon Williams - Tiny Desk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUSJjsVoDy4 (2016 duet with Aldous Harding)

https://marlonwilliams.bandcamp.com

I may seem very self-assured and confident, to many of you. Maybe I am. I know that I want to be, as do most people. I like to think that I know where my strengths and weaknesses lie. I love surprising people by having unexpected ability, but this is taken by me negatively, as well. How weak, injured and disabled do ‘new people’ view me? I find this problem to be crucifying, because I AM  disabled, and I cannot do a lot of things, yet I am still a living, breathing, independent human-being. I have feelings of pride, honour, and self-respect. I know that I may push the limits of these 3 essences, more than most. However, people must realise that I have to attempt to balance deficiencies that i now live with. I realise that I cannot do things which many people would not hesitate doing themselves. In equal contrast I maintain self-belief, by proving to myself that I have the ability to do other things which may seem very, very rare, or people will not do. 

-A + B = 0

therefore

A = B

Pushing Progress

One of the biggest rivalries in football, Arsenal v Tottenham is scheduled for a mid-day kick-off tomorrow. It is preceded by another huge clash of rival ‘tifosi’.

Tonight’s game…

A challenge...

https://www.violanation.com/2018/2/8/16985470/fiorentina-juventus-preview-prediction-lineup-serie-a-watch-online-stream

As a Fiorentina fan, I fear the worst.

…so…

Shift focus, yesterday’s stage in the UCI Pro-Cycling season…

http://www.cyclingnews.com/races/dubai-tour-2018/stage-3/results/

Go Cav!!

Forza Elia!!

Another favourite of mine, Sonny Colbrelli, was victor today! :)

Drugs are bad. But...

I leave the Caffè, head back home, wearing a huge smile. I am aware that I regularly wear a smile...

Constantly smiling because constantly highly-caffeinated!

... partly.

This probably is part of the reason. Well definitely, only a part!

Please sign the link below...

Petition to remove plastic from teabags

Printed and out...

Kingston Geen Party Newsletters 2018

https://kingston.greenparty.org.uk

The newsletters that i designed, have been created and can be partly sampled through the above link. Distribution within our ‘target wards’ in the local elections, has begun. Royal Borough of Kingston is split into 16 different electoral wards, for this Local Election. I plan to design a more generic leaflet later, covering the entire borough.

“there are truths, but no truth” 

― Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus

Camus explains there can be a seemingly infinite number of truths, although there should never be one over-ruling truth which all accepts as supreme.

“When I was first imprisoned, the hardest thing was that my thoughts were still those of a free man.” 

― Albert Camus, The Stranger

I know it will not seem popular, but I often feel ‘imprisoned’, as I am forced to rely on a wheelchair, in current life. I have no choice. Do I consider myself totally free?

“The greatness of man lies in his decision to be stronger than his condition.” 

― Albert Camus

I am ever-so proud of my mentality’s strength. I have battled through initial rehabilitation, convincing myself that I am psychologically stronger than this problem.

The absurd happens / **** happens

We can be certain of nothing. A young man, who had a strong education in design, supported by A-levels in Mathematics, Physics , and D&T, my mind had learnt to accept rational processes. My love of cycling even followed these principles. However, I had aged enough to realise and learn that absurdities happen. I remember becoming aware that my ‘goals’ were all being completed. My girlfriend and I seemed too happy and content. I shared my fear of ‘balancing absurdities’, possibly hidden around a near corner. I had absolutely no idea what, or how anything could happen. Over 6 months later, I wake up explaining simply, that ‘**** happens!’

Obscene ***k, without a heart!

One of THE BEST EVER…

My shuffled iPod, played me this earlier in the week.

I was alone in my flat, eating dinner, allowing me to sing along to every word. I used to love playing guitar along to this, but now I felt the freedom to sing passionately, along with Jeff!

The song's introduction, using an organ melody is mesmerising for me. It signals to me that over 6 minutes of heavenly music, awaits me!

Such joy. Such serenity.

Thank you Jeff. 

‘Oh Lover, You Should’ve Come Over ’

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hXe1jpHPnUs

Allez!

Choosing to leave Arsenal, for Jose Mourinho’s Man Utd, is a poor mistake.

Maybe everyone at Man Utd ‘forgets’, just like Rio did!

https://1.ftb.al/zNTc/RduQs9u24J

I am a cyclist who recognises the largest problem facing every world sport. Cheating is not allowed. All sport-stars are responsible for themselves.

I have been a big fan of Courtney Barnett since releasing her first album,’The Double EP: A sea of split peas’ was released in 2013. Two years later, a strong ‘follow-up’ (‘Sometimes I sit and think, and sometimes i just sit’). Released in 2017, a magnificent duet, was her next step. The brilliant character of her bright, Australian voice rebounds vibrantly off of the steadier, male voice of Kurt Vile. I feel that the duet was a brilliant idea. 

Courtney Barnett and Kurt Vile

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4uAXMl-Bfiw

Tuesday morning, I was very confused. I had no plans, and recognised that I had the day ‘free’. I was then unsure, as I should be used to this, but it seems a welcome change as i recognise how busy my ‘new-life’ is!

My Bialetti espresso cup ventured into Central London…

Although I am regularly using it in Surbiton, and Kingston, it’s use was welcomed by staff in ’The Fleet Street Press Office’ and Soho’s ‘Bar Italia’.

First stop, 'L'Uomino' in 'The Fleet Street Press Office'. Followed by a trip to Soho's 'Bar Italia'.

Warpaint (October 2016)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0JqmAbe0jw&t=106s

An interesting article. It is an unfortunate reality that athletes can ‘open-up’ regarding problems within their sport, but only after retiring! This may be obvious, but ‘the law of silence’ or ‘omerta’ cannot only exist within cycling. Athletes do not speak out, because such huge money exists in professional sports.

Allez Thomas!!!

http://www.cyclingnews.com/news/mechanical-doping-voeckler-wouldnt-be-shocked-if-lance-armstrong-had-used-a-motor/

Gym bike training 

My obsession with my ‘gym bike’ is welcomed by my Physiotherapist, but it has been decided to be unwise to hold myself to such a strict ‘training schedule’! I will maintain my annual targets, but not be too obsessed by my training levels. It is only this current winter period, have I been so strict, so far. I am scared of expecting too much of myself (in terms of Gym-bike). I want to push myself, but not to detriment any other part-of-my-life (my psychology, perhaps)!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QEwhUzkQ9sk

A super, eye-opening interview with a legendary footballer.

My find has to be shared!

The final tune of this week’s post was only just discovered by me, yesterday. To my total surprise, I am not too late, as it was only released late last year.

tcheeeeeewn!!!

There’s nothing better than a good, solid house tune, incorporating lyrics of such attitude!

Fake ID

Riton & Kah-Lo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13tz7Myn5ko

I cannot expect to do ANYTHING. I achieve physical abilities which I had previously been unable to do. But only in reflection can I know my ability, which is severely reduced, compared to most 'regular people'. I can plan very little. I cannot look forward to anything in the way most others do. I cannot dream for things, as I don’t know what will be possible or impossible. You cannot dream for what is rationally impossible. 

“Awareness, no matter how confused it may be, develops from every act of rebellion: the sudden, dazzling

perception that there is something in man with which he can identify himself, even if only for a moment.

Up to now this identification was never really experienced. Before he rebelled, the slave accepted all the

demands made upon him. Very often he even took orders, without reacting against them, which were far

more conducive to insurrection than the one at which he balks. He accepted them patiently, though he

may have protested inwardly, but in that he remained silent he was more concerned with his own

immediate interests than as yet aware of his own rights. But with loss of patience—with impatience—a

reaction begins which can extend to everything that he previously accepted, and which is almost always

retroactive. The very moment the slave refuses to obey the humiliating orders of his master, he

simultaneously rejects the condition of slavery. The act of rebellion carries him far beyond the point he

had reached by simply refusing. He exceeds the bounds that he fixed for his antagonist, and now demands

to be treated as an equal. What was at first

the man's obstinate resistance now becomes the whole man, who is identified with and summed up in this

resistance. The part of himself that he wanted to be respected he proceeds to place above everything else

and proclaims it preferable to everything, even to life itself. It becomes for him the supreme good. Having

up to now been willing to compromise, the slave suddenly adopts ("because this is how it must be . . .")

an attitude of All or Nothing. With rebellion, awareness is born.” 

― Albert Camus, The Rebel: An Essay on Man in Revolt

Albert Camus has written so much that i am very grateful for. A lot of his work may seem too deep, for many, but I urge readers to stick with him. You will move to sections that are easier to comprehend, yet still so rewarding.