rated PG...

I must stop dreaming of living life as I had forever desired. I should start living my 'second life', the best way I see fit. I almost died, but was allowed to 'live again.' Fortunately, I have been allowed to hold on to a few key things, but find myself in need of starting afresh, elsewhere. I am soooo lucky :)

I made the note above, early in the week. I was feeling bewildered, lost and confused, so remembered this fact to balance my mind. 

Monday morning, I hit the gym. I attain the similar PB, testing my legs. I am happy again, very close to perfect balance of arm power.

4.26 :s

51/49 arms

Food is packaged for two.

I unusually spent a long time in the supermarket this week. I had a voucher to spend, so was extra-observant of the pricing of unusual items. As expected, I unfortunately viewed the fact that virtually everything is packaged for two consumers. Shopping for an individual can be so much more limited than being comfortable 'buying for two'.

Accessibility. This is usually only noticed if a location has extremely good levels. If a place is inaccessible, it may be ignored and disregarded by me, but used normally by everyone else. So often I have to accept the fact that 'normal people', solve problems for 'normal people'. Designed solutions can never be perfect for everyone, so it  seems that wheelchairs are 'designed out', regularly. I hate venues with an accessible add-on (a room for wheelchairs, segregating them from able humans, even further psychologically). It is saying that the venue was originally a poor design, with limited usability. The 'add-on' was built to make the venue look 'modern'. Truthfully, a modern, good design is usable by everyone. Poor designs should not be allowed to hide in disguise. Old, poor designs should become redundant.

Black Sun by Gary Tarn

A superb film describing the mentality of a disabled (blind) person during initial life after being injured. I found this brilliant, as he explains well, some of the psychological problems faced by those having to face living with a disability. Although, a very different injury from mine, similar in that 'basic' life skills have needed to be re-learnt.

A pathetic, lonesome, stupid dependant, locked away, in care. This is how it sometimes feels that some random people assume that I am, because they only know that I need a wheelchair!

Bollox

Bollox

Bollox

I have a life. Sorry about the foul language. Everyone must love life! I have spent far too long in both hospitals and 'rehabilitation homes'. There is no way that anyone can pin me down, restricting me to my flat for long periods. Well, there is, when I rely on a wheelchair. Shit happens, but do people really expect it to remain?

Epsilon = ?

Epsilon = 0

The epsilon symbol is used in mathematics to represent 'the  sum of'.  By using it  alone, I am applying it to anything or everything. As a positive figure can always be mirrored into a negative figure, we realise that 'everything has an equal and opposite.' Balance. Everything balances.

My music 'plug' of this week, was actually discovered last week, but omitted from the blog post...

http://songhoy-blues.com/#about

PB arms 47/53 10min

Going to the gym is all about targeting goals set by yourself. I cycled my arms for a 10 minute session, reaching my distance target, comfortably. However, the achievement that I am happiest with, was my unintended ability of balancing my power output between both arms. 47%left / 53%right

:)

Me. Always confident in myself. Am I starting to question this? No. Well. maybe...

My life. Eeek!! Shit happens. I accept and continue on. My self-confidence allows me to do this.

I battle and learn with/from others. I am the same as everyone, but I am different.

I succeed, I attain independence. Independence. I enjoy my independence, but I have missed such a key part in people’s lifeline.

I am on a lifelong journey of recovery. This is good because it seems to be forever progression. However this is a hard fact to face, as I live but I don’t live. I am living alone. No-one is like me. Everyone with a regular brain is the same. Anyone with an injured 'regular brain' may be suffering tragically, but there is absolutely no reason to group them separately, together in a group. Their only similarity maybe reliance on a wheelchair. The inability of walking independently, is of no surprise whatsoever. This fact is not a reason to group them together. Brain injuries can result in such varying conditions. As it takes over 200 different muscles in the human body, to walk, it is of no surprise that the walking ability of those suffering such an injury is seriously affected.

Presented on Jimmy Carr's 'Countdown'...

Wow!!...

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/8857008746?keywords=panini%20football%20stickers%20book&qid=1445254402&ref_=sr_1_1&sr=8-1

PANIC!  Death of phone...

Tuesday. I awoke with my alarm coming from my iPhone. I have Radiohead's 'Paranoid Android', programmed to wake me (I then give myself a ten minute 'snooze', before the chords of Jonny Greenwood's guitar awaken me again). Tuesday, I awaken, but my phone is not turning off! Thom Yorke's vocals start. Problem, but no problem! The song finishes, but I panic. No button works, apart from 'off/on'. I panic, 'how will I survive without my mobile phone?' I have done nothing wrong, yet it is dead. It died in my sleep. ASAP I take it to the shop.

I am still unsure of what went wrong. I realise that these few communications companies could quite rapidly cripple the entire globe by halting their service. I am embarrassed at how easy the solution was (holding the two buttons simultaneously). It works, but the initial problem may never be known or resolved.

We have to learn to live our fate and accept it, contently. We cannot truly predict our fate, and we must accept that anything can participate in our fate. Our fate happens, and we can accept this by understanding that everything equals. The sum of all positives, equal the sum of all negatives (and obviously, vice-versa)!

Fed up with signage. 

Men/Women/Other 

What am I?

I am much more psychologically comfortable with a toilet being unnamed, unrestricting, and accessible to all (unless in use!!!)
Wheelchair users are not classed as 'regular humans. Interestingly, it seems that men and women are the same, but wheelchair users are something else (as are babies). Surely if men and women can use the same, wheelchair users should be allowed to?! Have one, and make it accessible!!!!! Grrrrrrr.  

slow cooker ecology

Ever since being introduced to this method of cooking, I have been unsure about it. I am embarrassed by admitting to only now/recently searching for an answer to the  obvious question on the ecology of this process...

http://www.naturalhealthmagazine.co.uk/answer/is-a-slow-cooker-eco-friendly

I write this post on 23rd October. I did my 'supermarket shop' on 19th. Well over two months away ( > a sixth of a year)!
Am I just an old man?

meow :(

Lost cat sign 

As soon as I leave the flat, 

Hmm, the mood of this week's post is not helped by my primary note, above. I always leave my flat in a positive mood. Unfortunately a smile is now wiped off my face, as I am immediately confronted by a lamp-post displaying a 'lost cat' sign. A beautiful photo of -----, with huge, dish-like eyes. I can only send my best wishes, and keep my eyes open.

Random  'hello's can be received very demeaningly

Whilst about town, this second note is made. This infuriates me, but they mean no harm. Infuriating because 'why me?' I can only think that the speaker is speaking down to me, because they see my wheelchair and therefore assume the worst. 

Deep breath, ignore, and carry on.

Supermarket shopping when hungry... actually successful 

I know it is dangerous to a wallet, but I found myself absolutely starving on Monday, yet I knew I needed to do a 'weekly supermarket shop'. Success was had due to my ability of creating a shopping list, and sticking to it! I remained confident enough, having left it at home, to make alterations on-the-go. I did well. When you know that you are hungry, you balance things accordingly!

Diego Costa lookalike on bus

After waiting for an unusually long time, my bus arrived. The side ramp ejected,the doors opened...

The 'wheelchair space' is occupied by a baby's pram, and father. I was not-up for any verbal confrontation, as the pram was blocking 'that sign' so they couldn't read their instruction.

I waved the bus to carry on and leave me, because the father was the spitting image of Diego Costa. I knew that it wasn't him, but he looked like was chewing grass, and I ducked out of the man-o-man cowboy pistol battle! I knew that I would have real difficulty from slapping him! I knew the best option was to move away, let him go!

41 – The number of nationalities in the WorldTour peloton. France lead the way with 55 riders in the WorldTour but they are closely followed by Italy with 54 and Belgium with 53. Finland are one of the nations with only a single rider competing for them at the top level, however that will change with the retirement of Jussi Veikkanen at the end of the year.

Maybe not

I love this song, and always have. I heard it the other day for the first time in a while. It suited my mood perfectly. Old, but, I am! Thank you Chan. X

`

I wrote the note below, late last night. Please forgive me, I was feeling emotional. It is not the most content, happy note. It does prove that I am just human. It does not deserve to be in bold. 

I am sick and tired of being ‘just a really good friend’. I am male and I am comfortable socialising with females. Friendships are made and everyone is happy.  Whether people accept it, or not, I feel that I am barred by my wheelchair. I cannot be rejected, because one cannot ‘make a first move’ from a wheelchair-dependancy, there is nothing that i can give to reject. Therefore I will always let myself fall into something that isn't really there. I always fall deeper and deeper before finding that there is nothing more that I can do. I sink. 

Asleep in the sand

Dream brother

Fools will moan

Always say 'Thank you', when crossing.

My first note this week was made with the purpose of trying to encourage everyone to stay positive. I am very aware of the fact that since being wheelchair-bound, I always thank awaiting vehicles. I think that this is perhaps an indirect method of subconsciously checking that the driver has seen me! I ALWAYS do this, even at zebra crossings where pedestrians have the right of way. I may be overtaken by other 'huffing & puffing' pedestrians, but everyone has to accept that I WILL ONLY CROSS THE ROAD WHEN I WANT! By thanking drivers, you are setting the most powerful people, in a good mood. Always make friends with the right people!

Happy days

Arsenal 3 Man Utd 0

Three amazing goals in twenty minutes won the game, but Man Utd lost the game because they were wearing offensively poor shorts! Black fading out to white would even been shocking in 1992!

Utd shorts!!

Finally! Finally, finally FINALLY!

Too late, but the government have finally taken the wise decision, of charging for plastic bags. Fools will moan, I am sorry. I take carrier bags of some kind, around with me, hanging from my wheelchair, so I admit that I do not 'carry' them, but hey! We all must realise the big ecological issues affecting this world. Such consumption of valuable resources, using them as commercial advertising, then creating non-biodegradable litter (potentially life-threatening), existing forever, is inexcusable. Fools will moan.

Plastic bags

This ‘Daily Fail’ headline provided me with smile, as it successfully contributes proof that they are sooo right-wing that they cannot accept any measure which aids the environment and disrupts their shopping trip! Such a constantly negative attitude is correctly considered ‘prehistoric’ by anyone with sense.

I was in a new independent cafe in Kingston, 'Hands Coffee Company', when I stumbled across the display of coffee cups. I was delighted, as it is the first time seeing such. Regular readers of this blog will know how big a problem with throw-away, single-use cups, I have. Potentially an answer, but I am yet to investigate.

Re-usable cups

I know that I used to spend a lot of time, whilst cycling, loving it so much that I would regularly worry myself by wondering 'what would I do, if I couldn't do this?'

At least I do not have this worry anymore!

 2006 Tour de France

Coursework completed 2006

'Look after yourself!'

Slap on my back

The old man bundled past me, out of the cafe, looked at me, and commented. Why? Oh...why me?

He meant no harm, I shouldn't be so easily offended. Hmmmm.

#hashtag

I've been saying 'everything equals', for years...

Weather is perhaps one of the broadest elements that this statement can be related to...

In London, we had an 'incredibly poor summer' (swear words banned)! I use past-tense, as we are in October, but it still feels as warm as it has been for the last 9 months!! I guess, the sun always shines in Surbiton!

INDIAN SUMMER

I really do not like photos of me.

I know that I am not unusual in providing the above statement. I used to happily accept photographs of myself. Now, I see myself but I do not see ME. I really do not like to see myself with a big fat face, bent limbs, twisted and contorted into a wheelchair. I much prefer just to represent myself through graphic colours/forms/lines. My brain injury has visibly changed me, however I have worked so hard, and continue to, in order to maintain my mental ability/confidence. I am here but I am more than just the disabled, fool that everyone sees. Unfortunately, as a graphic designer, I know how important visual aesthetics are.

Why my desire for independence?

I am now 31. This can be viewed both positively and negatively. OK, severely injured throughout my prime life of my twenties. I was just finishing all of my educational courses, accident! Fortunately, however, I was still on my journey to begin independent, adult life. My desire for this, continued (I was just held back a bit)! I am so so so pleased that this was kept, as it forced me through and out of hospital/rehabilitation home, forwards into 'the real world'.

26.5

New PB on gym bike! I ride 26.5kph now...

Peter Sagan

New 'UCI World Champion'. Congratulated by everyone, after an incredible performance in Richmond, USA. It was great to see him cross the finish line, triumphant arms raised in celebration, then he got off his bike and kissed his girlfriend. Such a normal response (gone are the days where riders would need to continue 'cooling down' before drugs tests)! The same 'unfortunate' rider, explained here... 

Forever second? No,YOU!! (click here)

http://www.kakiking.com

Second music piece of this week, well worth a concentrated listen. It can, however, create soothing, background sounds. 'The neck is a bridge to the body' is the delightful second instrumental album brought to us from guitarist Kaki King.
My final note (below) was made this morning. It may be of no interest whatsoever. I apologize. Basically, I was working. I was comfortable with the task in hand. Font, got. Colours, I had the RGB definitions. Images, yet to source (but I will 'cross that bridge' later). I discovered a problem. My keyboard is missing the 'hash' key. I checked my old keyboard, the same problem! I research online, and find the answer! Phew! Apparently, they d not exist on Apple Macs! Crazy, as we all now live in a world partly ruled by #twitter# 
answer... # = alt+3

Apple hash