Dis-armament....

Is that a word? Who knows....

I type this post late afternoon, and am not armed with my usual coffee or chocolate. I feel that I have managed to wind myself-up enough, traveling back from my shopping trip, that i can survive typing this post 'a l'eau claire'. No drugs, clean.

Right, I apologise because this isn't the happiest, most positive of posts, but hey, you're reading it. It all started this morning. I could not and still cannot find both halves of my stove-top, espresso machine. I have the bottom half which stores the water and granulated coffee, but the vital top half (which collects the coffee), is gone. No-where to be found. One piece, but totally useless without a partner.
So, I went and did my weekly supermarket trip, followed by cafe afterwards.

It was a combination of things, but primarily, a negative affect of one of my 'female compliments'. After telling her how attractive she was, I was thanked but told 'I'm married'. Hehe, ooops. Nevermind, I didn't expect anything anyway.

However, it did leave me thinking all the way home, and more. I know that I am no longer in my teens or early 20s. I am 27 going 28. It really shouldn't surprise me that 'female potential', is going fast/ or HAS gone.  Girls that i see now are pushing prams! I know that I have friends that are single, but they are working, busy people meeting new people all the time.

These thoughts trouble me, I begin to feel depressed. But then i convince myself that I am not allowed to be depressed. I have to smile and be grateful that i am here.

This annoys me even more! So, I'm not allowed to be unhappy. I want to be, no i don't. YES I DO, BUT NO I DON'T. I need a girlfriend