Welcome to my blog. It varies how regular I write posts here. I sustained a 'Traumatic Acquired Brain Injury', and a six month coma from a 'road traffic accident' whilst cycling, in October 2006. I spent the following 4 years (22-26yrs old), in a combination of hospitals and rehabilitation homes. Now, I have been living independently in Surbiton, England since October 2010. This blog begun life in December 2010, as i realised that there are many people worldwide that i want to share experiences with. I know that, as a wheelchair user, I am obviously not as mobile as i wish, so, use the internet to connect to you. I enjoy letting my thoughts represent through type. I type honestly. As numerous readers, as well as email recipients, will understand, I find typing to be very therapeutic. Thank you :)
Please note that this website cannot be viewed 100% successfully everywhere. It is designed for optimum viewing on a screen of 1920 x 1080 pixels.




Friday, 30 September 2016

incentive?

I cross the road, Woah!
A car, but it's ok!!
As ever, I acknowledge 'THANK YOU!!'
'Alright, I saw you way back! No need to be SO F***ING CRABBY!'
!!!!
Woah, I am startled by his language, offer an apology, as I leave, on my way I am left to relive what just happened.
I realise that I always thank vehicles for stopping, allowing me to cross. Hmmm. 

Syphon




I was bedazzled by some childish wonder, when ordering a 'Syphon Filtered Black Coffee'. My journey had been from Surbiton to 'The New Row Espresso House' (just outside of Covent Garden). By offering what I hail as the 'best espresso', this place was now the correct coffee shop to allow to serve a beverage from a Syphon filter.
The smoothest coffee that I have ever had. A successful experiment. Too special to drink regularly.

Coffee blog in production - Independent Coffee-Shops

http://independentcoffeeshops.blogspot.co.uk
Promotion of independent coffee shops, continues with this blog that I have produced. A blog is for continuous updates, so this is only in an initial stage at the moment.
Rule. I no longer tarnish my coffee with milk. I had taught myself to taste the beauty of coffee. However my morning habit will not be changed away from a 'pre-breakfast espresso macchiato'!

If anyone can, I can

I need this self-confidence, living a life that forever seems cut-off from others'.
Monday morning. 7.30am, a different world…
Monday morning, I attend a fitness gym, providing a good aerobic work-out  right at the beginning of the week. I experience a whole different world to my usual weekday (which would be similar stuff, but an hour later. 7.30am, people are suited and ready for their train to central London, a 9-5, then an evening/night life...
This is how I presume, people 'in the real world' live. I am left to force myself to recognise that 'everything balances'. 
It is a complete head**** if I think about this too much.

I feel cut off from reality. People live 'normal' lives, which I do partly similarly. There are some elements that I enjoy, however 'recovery' is not entirely in my hands. There are things in life that I miss, and have missed for 519 weeks. To feel romance, to be loved. I just continue.

Why I love blogging.

I have feelings, thoughts, emotions that I must off-load, but I do not want to tell anyone directly (I don't feel strong enough to). However, the thoughts are noted down on my phone, then copied, published for the entire world to view, at the end of the week!

Recycling, no incentive is a good incentive!
‘StinkyInk’ scheme deserves praise.
My print cartridge needed replacing, I buy one off website 'StinkyInk'. As ever, it arrives soon in the post, with an extra envelope/wrap. The idea being that you can recycle your old ink cartridge. I am unsure whether there is an incentive scheme as there is none advertised. I quickly understand that people should not need an incentive to recycle! I am cross with myself for searching for one!


To Bear Sir posted on Twitter:
'wrote this tonight…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hDc5KeFTt8&feature=youtu.be'

Friday, 23 September 2016

Therapeutic Use (update)...

I am soooo lucky to have this 'bonus life'...
Ok, I told everyone last week, that we shouldn't feel the need to continue tell everyone, about our luck. I'm sorry. I do this because I use this blog, myself, to ensure that I am thinking correctly!
I was 100% satisfied with my life, when I had my accident. I had done, got, achieved, was with everyone and everything that was on 'my list'! I continue to live feeling little pressure. I am content. I live for NOW.
I know that my old friends are there, and I am incredibly grateful for this. I have been forced to live independently, alone, but I know that friends are there if needed.
It is when I type this, I get angry with myself.  Angry, confused by my own despairing attitude that I do often find myself in. I guess that I had a dream of my future, whilst gruelling through rehabilitation. In the dream, I was living in a place like I actually am now. I was working as I actually do. I have sourced dream coffee. I have friends as I wished. I cannot even complain about my other part of the dream (well, sort of). I have left this very ambiguous, so that I am covered! ;)

http://www.cyclingnews.com/features/pursuit-of-tour-de-france-glory-costs-team-sky-their-idealism/
Team Sky and Therapeutic Use Exemptions
hmmmmmmmmm…….

The above link explains a large issue faced by Team Sky,  as well as many, many other athletes. 'TUEs' represent a huge ethical issue. TUEs are used by athletes who may be having to deal with a food allergy problem, an infection or various other complications. OK, they can help 'level the playing field', but where is the line drawn? EPO was used to create 'a level playing field'! In my opinion, TUEs should not exist.
...An in-depth, inquisitive, read. Thank you cyclingnews.com



https://www.fastcoexist.com/3063594/this-solar-car-charges-itself-while-its-parked-on-the-street
;)

INDICATE!!!!
he was away before i decided he was due a swear-word yelled at him.
'Bike rider' not 'Cyclist'
Anger. Utter disbelief. These are just two of my feelings towards the imbecile who rode his bicycle like a maniac. I was waiting to cross the quiet Grove Road, by the side of the busy Portsmouth Rd. Suddenly he hurtled around the corner, into Grove Road, without a care in the world. His suit jacket flapped behind him, like Batman (he seemed more of a 'Joker', but you get my picture)! He hurt me, psychologically. This is an area of Surbiton that is being developed to help protect cyclists. I refuse to praise him, calling him a 'cyclist', instead he is a mere 'bike rider'. No helmet, he didn't seem to care for anything. 'Cyclists' care for themselves, others, and their bike! 'Bike riders' seem to care about very little other than how fast they get from A to B, trying to complain about anything that they can. Unfortunately 'cyclists' have their name tarnished irreversibly (maybe?) by 'bike riders'.

I regularly have moments when I question my existence, myself. I am honest and truthful on this blog but I see this extreme introversion as a big weakness, so do not want to explain.

Some people live busy lives, they may travel across the globe regularly. People may live like a royal, a superstar, a celebrity but NO-ONE else knows life as well as me. An understanding of their extravagance hurts me, not out of jealousy but of recognising the pain they are causing somewhere else. Everything equals.

Independent Cafes ONLY!

From now on, I am only buying coffee from independent cafes. I have started my ‘research’ into a future blog that I am creating. I find it eye-opening, to maintain this approach.
Of course, I will maintain my 'home-based coffee production', but I will only purchase coffee from independents.

Very tasty fruit juice was on offer in the supermarket, so i feel the need to promote it (it wouldn't have been bought, if not on offer!)! Hehehe! mmmmmmmmmm



Marissa Nadler released her new album today 'Bury your name'. I have only listened to it once, so far, so cannot provide fair reviews. However I can say that it is very calming full of beautiful vocals!



Friday, 16 September 2016

a secret chord

I have typed a lot for this week's post, throughout the week. Therefore I have a large page of notes which I will publish. I do not 'bold' my notes anymore. This was getting too messy! 

New music for you all. A discovery of mine, which I still hold at a distance. I cannot decide whether or not I am a big fan.
Pumarosa



A 'less heavy version of the yeahyeahyeahs' ? Maybe.

Ups and downs. 
Downs and ups.
My life is not normal. 
Hmmm... Normality is scary.
‘Normal’ DOESN'T ACTUALLY EXIST ANYWHERE
I experience endless downs (always, seemingly).
I know that I am a lucky man (sometimes my luck brings me such joy).
Sometimes.
It is essential for me to draw the positives from what I can, because my mind is so regularly feeling the negatives.
This situation applies to everyone, and if anyone knows how to deal with it, I do. I have needed to, and been successful for almost ten years. 
My mind cries inside, in sadness, when my reality hits me. My mind cries inside, in pure joy, in disbelief, when I have been happy. I haven't felt deserving of the happiness, but then I know how misfortunate I have been, maybe I do deserve some happiness. Life is an ocean, full of everything. I am forced to accept that **** happens, and we actually have negligible free will. Whether we like it or not, we must accept that most of our life's fate is pre-determined. Fortunately we cannot foresee our destiny accurately. It would be incredibly boring, if we could!

Facebook, Social media, and Social Responsibility.
Be careful.
EVERYONE is lucky. We must not cite ourselves as lucky, as we are ALL lucky. Humans are lucky. No-one is more lucky than another, it all depends on our own  view. What do we expect of one self? Only by taking a further step backwards, existentially, looking at oneself, can we gauge our true luck. If we recognise a better result than we expected, then we have had luck on our side.

Hallelujah

Jeff Buckley - Hallelujah 

Unexpectedly hearing it on the radio proved it's pure sonic perfection to me. The guitar picking introduction following the breath into the microphone, provides the sense of magic and then pure water, trickling, stream-like into the larger pool (the song). This pool of water is so pure and deep. The surface is beautifully calm and serene, but underneath the water falls to such depths. There are other tributary streams trickling into this pool. It reaches its maximum, before overspilling, falling down, down, down. Lover, You Should've Come Over. (Following song on album, calls me).

Hearing it on the radio was a beautiful surprise. I wanted to record how I felt, so I typed how I had reacted to the art being played to me. Without doubt, this is my favourite cover song ever. Jeff Buckley covering Leonard Cohen.

Tour of Britain
Images below, are some of the photos that I took last Sunday, on the Aldwych, London. It was the final stage of the Tour of Britain. Yellow Jersey, winner, Steve Cummings. I had seen pictures earlier in the week of the Pinarello Dogma bike used by Bradley Wiggins with a special Union Jack livery. This meant that Sir Bradley would be easy to spot!

The peloton curves around Aldwych.

Bradley Wiggins

 Maillot jaune Steve Cummings follows a team-mate.


Two notes, that I make, but maybe no interest to you.
I have altered my position/set-up when using the gym-bike now. After a week of getting used to my new position, I have just reset my PB, this afternoon! ;)
My CV etc. has been brought up to date (almost). I review, pleased at the success of the Green Party, satisfied with my contribution. 

I must warn you, if you are not mentally stable, the first few songs of this first playlist (To Bear Sir), will break you. I always have been lauded amongst friends for listening to 'depressing music'. I laughed, not understanding!
Now i do! However, I feel that such beautiful, powerful music must be shared. Following 'To Bear Sir' is Diane Birch, whose complete back catalogue, I love! Rare recordings from the 'Bible Belt' album recording sessions.


Soundcloud :)
sound NOT vision
;)
Music is for listening too, 100%. Feel the music, do not allow it to be harmed in any way.

Friday, 9 September 2016

deux jours

I type this week’s post, in two sessions. It will be finished tomorrow (Friday afternoon), as per usual this is my plan. However, I start typing tonight, because I can, and feel like I want to. Don’t worry, black coffee accompanies me, along with Smashing Pumpkins following U2 (I admit that my music is on ‘shuffle’ mode). 

You all know that I have told you of my belief in fate. It is still what i believe, and is an intriguing method of living life! I was psychologically moved by visiting the ‘Kingston - Climate Change Talk’, on Tuesday. The talk was held by a prominent member of UNICEF, who had been at the famous ‘Paris - Climate Change Discussions’ in 2015. Four key notes were made…

  1. A key mission is communication of messages, to general public.
  2. Mass refugee crisis partly due to global climate change.
  3. 'The UK was very poor' - UNICEF
  4. Everyone can make a difference, by encouraging others and spreading the word.

I expand to explain…
  1. Part of my reason for including this message on my blog is because i know that it is my best way of communicating important messages, to as large an audience as possible. I hope that everyone agrees that ‘Climate Change’ is the largest problem that we have ever faced, and could be our final one. Seriously. History shows us that a population’s biggest fear may have been of another’s aggression. Now we all notice effects of Climate Change around the globe, regularly. First examples that spring to my mind are the flooding locally, in the UK, and the extreme droughts that have hit countries closer to the equator. The ever-increasing months temperatures should alarm us all. This Globe’s climate IS CHANGING. Everyone is affected. Everyone must help. 
  2. Although this country has a population who wants out of everything. We cannot. The world is suffering a mass crisis of refugees. It is irresponsible and totally wrong to blame this entirely on human warfare. Across the world people are refugees fleeing from their stricken homelands. Their homes, some ruined irrecoverably from damage caused by Climate Change. Allowance of such large human-displacement will create a huge imbalance of populations, perhaps some will become extinct, as others over-crowd.
  3. Hmmm. A comment, quite readily provided was that the UK was actually very poorly performing, in Paris. No matter, how/what we are told in the news, our government performed very poorly, especially compared with everyone else. There were good examples given by other many countries such as Uruguay, Denmark, and even the new US/China agreement is such a positive position, but the UK? It unnerves me, how little this has been reported in the news! We let the world down.
  4. Communication is the key. If enough people know, more and more people will be happy to make the smallest changes. When combined, such big changes can be made. As human beings, we all owe it to the future populations of this world.




Friday

My 'cycling'...
Early last week, I upped my 'cycling' regularity. 'Inverted commas' used, because I am not riding a bicycle, but my gym-bike. The passion is still there, so I can ride at 99% on Monday (after gym in morning). Then 99% for a long session on Tuesday. 100% 5 minute sprint on Wednesday. 99% for 5 minutes (after Physiotherapy session), Thursday. Friday is a longer, 10 minute session at 100%. Weekends, I rest (at the moment). I am only a week into this,  but I am realising that I should maybe ride in a higher gear, which could affect everything! We will see...

Tuesday, I am sat in 'Caffe ****', and all of a sudden an elderly woman looks at me, asking 'Do you want some? Can I get you some sugar, a straw, some serviettes?'
I am dumbfounded and insulted! I respond with a quizzical look, as if to suggest I am deeply wounded by her comments. I am sorry to those who disagree, but, she doesn't ask anyone else, just the disabled, wheelchair user. A warning, DO NOT attempt to put sugar in my coffee!

My smile
The photo below is a 'selfie' that I snapped on the bus. I go around, and if I smile, I was often left wondering what sort of expression that I was giving. I knew that I was potentially giving people a 'wonky smile', and embarrassing myself. However, it is with relief I view this. I smiled at a friendly passenger who was leaving the bus, held the smile and snapped a 'selfie'. 


  What are four hundred rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare line.

Diane Birch



The best ever, has been found!
New Row Espresso


Charing Cross Station Publicity!!!!
Anger was felt. I left the cafe in New Cross Street, and headed towards Charing Cross Station, to use their 'facilities', before crossing the Thames, south to Waterloo and train back to Surbiton. I followed the signs, reaching a door with this sign...


WHAT?!!!
There was no way I needed to use it enough. It was locked with a unique key (not a 'radar key'). 
Not very f****** 'accessible' is it?
OUTRAGEOUS...

Friday, 2 September 2016

Momentous...

My post begins with a note made last Friday. I had pre-planned my trip, journeying to St Georges hospital, in Tooting. | was there, volunteering my services to the 'Bridges Project'.
I had no particular reason for making the note, other than an explanation.

Hospitals are amazing places!
It is where people go to get better. Not worse, better. It is everyone's aim to improve.

The positive, progressive outlook is shared by everyone here, seemingly. It is not an 'Accident/Emergency hospital', but a 'University hospital', explaining why my view is so warped. It is amazing to notice the effect of public morale, realising that half of the reason people find a hospital depressing, may be because many inhabitants seem depressed. It is so important to be careful and ensure positivity.

Momentous, my next note. Maybe not for everyone, but as a strong fan of professional cycling myself, alarming. Alarming, that I refused to open my eyes to the true, possible fact that 'my sport', is enjoyed around the world. It used to centre around Central Europe. Part of my love was of these small French or Italian teams who may be sponsored by a shop that you may only ever see on holiday, if at all! Yes, there were Belgian and Spanish teams/races as well, and ignorance of them added to their peculiar mystery! A German team, Deutsche Telekom, was fairly new. They became 'T-Mobile'. Shock and surprise, an American on a US team wins the Tour De France again and again (obvious cheat)! Finally, a 'British' team (even though Murdoch is Australian). A Briton wins the Tour de France, AND Olympics! Yahoo!
Then another Brit wins again, again, AND AGAIN! Wow! Hmmm! Wow! Well done Chris!
This is good, but Brits aren't supposed to win 'my sport'!
Now I read this...
Sad sad news…

End of massive era...
From memory of ‘my era', top tier Italian teams, with their top 2, 'big' riders...

Gatorade (Sports Drink)
Gianni Bugno, Laurent Fignon

Carrera (Jeans)
Claudio Chiapucci, Marco Pantani

Mapei (Industrial company)
Andrea Tafi, Johan Museeuw

Saeco (Coffee Machines)
Mario Cipollini, Gilberto Simoni

Polti (Vacuum Cleaners)
Luc Leblanc, Richard Virenque

Lampre (Household appliances)
Gilberto Simoni, Damiano Cunego

Mercatone Uno (Supermarkets)
Marco Pantani, Stefano Garzelli

Asics (Sportswear)
Michele Bartoli, Paolo Bettini

Fassa Bortolo (Industrial Company)
Michele Bartoli, Alessandro Petacchi

Liquigas (Industrial/Petro-Chemical)
Ivan Basso, Vincenzo Nibali

Guess who my favourite riders were?!... :)
(clue, they appear twice)!!

Now no team in the top league... :(

The Lampre jersey design is iconic.
Worthy of encasing a book, i feel! ;)





Damiano Cunego follows Franck Schleck up the Alpe D'Huez in 2006 TDF.





I posted this text, on Facebook, aiming to communicate with my fellow Surbiton residents, some who have reacted negatively, against riverside roadwork developments, developing a cycle lane.

PEOPLE, WAKE UP! 'Protecting cyclists, the cheapest, most ecological, healthiest mode of transport, whatever next?' Cycling is the way forward. Cycling must be encouraged, otherwise it will always remain such a minuscule minority, the public may view cyclists negatively, and too many accidents will happen!

Earlier this week, my parents and I visited the De La Warr Pavilion, in Bex Hill, on the South-Coast.
The chances are, you already know how crazy, in love I get wth a bit of Art-Deco architecture (i.e. Surbiton Station, Tate Modern, Telegraph Building etc)
The pavilion was built in 1935.
I enjoyed taking my own photographs.