... Life After Traumatic Acquired Brain Injury... patrick.goodacre@yahoo.co.uk
Saturday 29 October 2011
Wednesday 26 October 2011
My sport.....hmmm
Page 8, 'Bad Blood', 2008, Jeremy Whittle
'This acceptance of doping can be attributed to the long-established brutality of professional cycling, the endless pursuit of success, the pressure from rivals, the dangers of racing, the anonymity of anybody other than The Champion. By its nature, it is a sport filled losers and also-rans, controlled by a minority of winners, who are paranoid about thier own status, terrified of humiliation and haunted by that sudden inexplicable loss of power that spells The End.
Ironically it is that brutality and cruelty that makes it so seductive.'
This is partly why I am a victim of a cycling-related injury, who still has a love affair with the sport.
'This acceptance of doping can be attributed to the long-established brutality of professional cycling, the endless pursuit of success, the pressure from rivals, the dangers of racing, the anonymity of anybody other than The Champion. By its nature, it is a sport filled losers and also-rans, controlled by a minority of winners, who are paranoid about thier own status, terrified of humiliation and haunted by that sudden inexplicable loss of power that spells The End.
Ironically it is that brutality and cruelty that makes it so seductive.'
This is partly why I am a victim of a cycling-related injury, who still has a love affair with the sport.
Monday 24 October 2011
I'm sorry, later than i predicted
Right, I'm typing at an unusual time of day, no coffee. But I do have less spare time to win to type posts. My notes from my phone lead me to admit my lack of loyalty to listen to my ipod in 'shuffled albums' mode. I have started to listen to the more popular 'shuffled songs' mode. The total randomness of the next song played, is just like listening to a good radio station.
I had a comical encounter on the bus, the other day, on the way to visiting my old rehab home. I was positioned in my wheelchair, next to an elderly woman who commented on an elderly man staggering off the bus. "It must be awful when you can't walk properly, like that man". Hmm yes, I reckon. I really don't know whether she had realised that I was wheelchair bound. Comical, she meant no harm.
Another comment that i received on a similar bus "you're not a very good driver, are you?", referring to my wheelchair driving ability. She offended. Little does she know just how many times that it had been practiced. I felt like replying with a 'I'd like to see you....' but then realised that i would be taking offence to another level.
Drawing another similar response the other day, was a man dressed in a shell suit, but walking like Liam Gallager. Hmmm. After swaggering across the road, he approached me pointed at the wheelchair as I seemed to be moving along, with no effort at all, he pointed at my wheelchair
"I wouldn't mind one of them meself"
I ignored (the safest thing to do), but thought to myself all of the wonderful responses I could have said. 'You have to pay a price for one.'
"
I had a comical encounter on the bus, the other day, on the way to visiting my old rehab home. I was positioned in my wheelchair, next to an elderly woman who commented on an elderly man staggering off the bus. "It must be awful when you can't walk properly, like that man". Hmm yes, I reckon. I really don't know whether she had realised that I was wheelchair bound. Comical, she meant no harm.
Another comment that i received on a similar bus "you're not a very good driver, are you?", referring to my wheelchair driving ability. She offended. Little does she know just how many times that it had been practiced. I felt like replying with a 'I'd like to see you....' but then realised that i would be taking offence to another level.
Drawing another similar response the other day, was a man dressed in a shell suit, but walking like Liam Gallager. Hmmm. After swaggering across the road, he approached me pointed at the wheelchair as I seemed to be moving along, with no effort at all, he pointed at my wheelchair
"I wouldn't mind one of them meself"
I ignored (the safest thing to do), but thought to myself all of the wonderful responses I could have said. 'You have to pay a price for one.'
"
Saturday 22 October 2011
Hold on a minute......
Or a few hours for this post to be completed tomorrow, as yet again, I have begun typing late in the day, yet I have plenty of ramblings to tell.
Re-reading my notes from this past week allows me to see that have made the same note twice. I have got annoyed by going down the high street and being ignored by shop publicists who pester everyone else. I do not get stopped, and given a flyer, because to be quite honest, it feels like i am being disregarded as a human being. Fair enough, they could be giving away entries to a competition to win a parachute jump, they see me in a wheelchair and immediately rule me out.
Realistically though, there is probably no parachute jump offer, but even entry into their shop (whoever/wherever), is probably troublesome, so i would be a 'problem' for them, not worth tackling. Grrrrrrrr.
Re-reading my notes from this past week allows me to see that have made the same note twice. I have got annoyed by going down the high street and being ignored by shop publicists who pester everyone else. I do not get stopped, and given a flyer, because to be quite honest, it feels like i am being disregarded as a human being. Fair enough, they could be giving away entries to a competition to win a parachute jump, they see me in a wheelchair and immediately rule me out.
Realistically though, there is probably no parachute jump offer, but even entry into their shop (whoever/wherever), is probably troublesome, so i would be a 'problem' for them, not worth tackling. Grrrrrrrr.
I post the above video as my Ipod (on 'shuffle) has just played this legendary tune - Jeff Buckley, Hallelujah(L Cohen).
A small piece of perfection.
Friday 14 October 2011
"Ellor..."
I return, more calm, less irritated by my work, focussed on the job ahead. A VERY strong black coffee accompanies (I was easily sold their strongest coffee, as my ego got the better of me. I usually opt for the much fairer, tastier Colombian, but not this time).
I type.....
My first note, is weeks old. I remember feeling quite positive and proud of myself after. As ever, I was sat in a cafe in kingston, facing the queue of customers, when it was joined by a woman whose friends stayed outside. She was quite obviously pregnant, but was wearing a very sporty/'summery' outfit. I admit that i was distracted from my coffee by watching her in the queue. I soon realised that every other male inside was looking at the amazing arse on display, but then i caught a few people sniggering at her. I was confused but then she turned round and had the most extreme 'VPL' trying to hide under ridiculously tight lycra leggings. All men were laughing between themselves. I had to tell her of the visibility, and apologise to her from all men in the cafe. I was gratefully thanked, as she sat herself down. Although she was obviously causing joy/laughter to most men, she seemed a respectable, pregnant lady, not to be the but of everyones jokes (Oh crap, i've just spotted the unintended joke here, in my typing).
...continue,,,
I continue by sharing my simple good/relieved piece of mind that i get and so should all, when looking in the mirror. Before you start the jokes, i repeat myself yet again, by crying out that 'I'm a lucky man'. I find that the face is such an important element of a person. Although I am currently physically disabled, I find simple comfort by finding the same face that i always have done, when looking in the mirror.
Last week, I visited the local recreation ground for the first time (I know that i should have been before, but hey). It was sunny, and so, packed with families enjoying the playground, tennis courts etc. I found it difficult but told myself that i was not a kid, so it didn't matter, the climbing frame wasn't for me. I was troubled going past the tennis court, as I knew I was missing out. Although skinny arms, I did used to enjoy playing the sport. Enjoyed, but hey, not missed. Then I came across a lonely football, in the middle of the grass. Suddenly, part of my brain had a desperation to run up to it, and swinging it around to bounce of a targeted tree. I obviously didn't, couldn't, actually finding my lack of ability quite distressing. It was the first time, alone, that I faced this situation. Difficult, my brain was so used to kicking a football, now it can't is a shame. I would still know how to position my body to kick(scrape) it with the inside of my big toe, in order to curl it on to the target. But no, hey. I dream of playing again. I will, it's just a shame i won't be fit for euro 2012.
My next note, reminds me of what i relied on within hospital. I knew i was facing a difficulty, a physical disability, and that "shit happens", but i kept faith in those supporting me. I had faith in humanity. Years of watching the Tour de France, convinced me that humans are capable of amazing feats, with or without medical assistance the riders are still human beings. Physical tasks didn't just apply to cyclists, but thousands/millions of humans all over the world, I was/am just one person, and I could not/cannot make the problem bigger than it really is.
I must also state my utter joy of reading the autobiography of David Millar (British cyclist, personal hero). More than once does he pronounce his luck of being allowed a second chance at the cycling profession, after he became embroiled in a drugs scandal in 2005. I like to draw a comparison to myself and my luck of being given a 'second chance'. A serious pleasure to read. Thank you David.
I type.....
My first note, is weeks old. I remember feeling quite positive and proud of myself after. As ever, I was sat in a cafe in kingston, facing the queue of customers, when it was joined by a woman whose friends stayed outside. She was quite obviously pregnant, but was wearing a very sporty/'summery' outfit. I admit that i was distracted from my coffee by watching her in the queue. I soon realised that every other male inside was looking at the amazing arse on display, but then i caught a few people sniggering at her. I was confused but then she turned round and had the most extreme 'VPL' trying to hide under ridiculously tight lycra leggings. All men were laughing between themselves. I had to tell her of the visibility, and apologise to her from all men in the cafe. I was gratefully thanked, as she sat herself down. Although she was obviously causing joy/laughter to most men, she seemed a respectable, pregnant lady, not to be the but of everyones jokes (Oh crap, i've just spotted the unintended joke here, in my typing).
...continue,,,
I continue by sharing my simple good/relieved piece of mind that i get and so should all, when looking in the mirror. Before you start the jokes, i repeat myself yet again, by crying out that 'I'm a lucky man'. I find that the face is such an important element of a person. Although I am currently physically disabled, I find simple comfort by finding the same face that i always have done, when looking in the mirror.
Last week, I visited the local recreation ground for the first time (I know that i should have been before, but hey). It was sunny, and so, packed with families enjoying the playground, tennis courts etc. I found it difficult but told myself that i was not a kid, so it didn't matter, the climbing frame wasn't for me. I was troubled going past the tennis court, as I knew I was missing out. Although skinny arms, I did used to enjoy playing the sport. Enjoyed, but hey, not missed. Then I came across a lonely football, in the middle of the grass. Suddenly, part of my brain had a desperation to run up to it, and swinging it around to bounce of a targeted tree. I obviously didn't, couldn't, actually finding my lack of ability quite distressing. It was the first time, alone, that I faced this situation. Difficult, my brain was so used to kicking a football, now it can't is a shame. I would still know how to position my body to kick(scrape) it with the inside of my big toe, in order to curl it on to the target. But no, hey. I dream of playing again. I will, it's just a shame i won't be fit for euro 2012.
My next note, reminds me of what i relied on within hospital. I knew i was facing a difficulty, a physical disability, and that "shit happens", but i kept faith in those supporting me. I had faith in humanity. Years of watching the Tour de France, convinced me that humans are capable of amazing feats, with or without medical assistance the riders are still human beings. Physical tasks didn't just apply to cyclists, but thousands/millions of humans all over the world, I was/am just one person, and I could not/cannot make the problem bigger than it really is.
I must also state my utter joy of reading the autobiography of David Millar (British cyclist, personal hero). More than once does he pronounce his luck of being allowed a second chance at the cycling profession, after he became embroiled in a drugs scandal in 2005. I like to draw a comparison to myself and my luck of being given a 'second chance'. A serious pleasure to read. Thank you David.
Thursday 13 October 2011
long post....
The length of this post (hopefully) means that I begin to type this the night before completion. The truth is I am knackered now, it is half ten, but, as ever, coffee accompanies.
I am knackered, so farewell, I will return soon (ish)
Night x
Wednesday 5 October 2011
The season of change...
As I change the colour scheme of my blog, the premier league is dominated (bought?) by a new team, and we experience ridiculously hot temperatures in early October (it feels like July). Hmmm, the world is strange!
Anyway. I am refusing to discuss football (life?) at the moment. 100% focus could be fortunately diverted to my alternative sporting passion, cycling (see previous post, below). My phone is full of notes this week. So, fun fun fun for you, a large post typed caffeine free.
Perhaps, as usual, my first note exclaims my favouritism of selecting a cd to listen to, rather than scrolling through a never-ending playlist. OK, I may be 'old-fashioned', and the world is changing, but i feel that it is a shame that people aren't having the simple tactile interaction with a 3D 'album'. I am getting old (we all are), and i begin to realise how others have felt in past about the evolution of 'listening to music'.
...."whatever" i hear you say, i shut up and move on.....
The next note is my light-hearted admission that 'heard turning is funny'. I spent time sitting outside a street-side cafe in the sun, reading. I was focussed on reading, but often got distracted, and my head made to turn by some female sights on the high-street. Now, I know the sun means a lot of 'attractive sights', but it's funny sitting on a high street watching as a girl turns every male head walking down the high street. Should it be criminalised, deliberately dressing in a way causing a high street full of accidents/collisions/etc? I am given relief that i am just reacting as any male would. I have missed out on this social behaviour, 'inside' in a hospital or rehab home.
Next note, is telling us that 'positivity breeds positivity'. By this, I simply mean 'if you smile, i guarantee that causes someone else to do the same.' This is why it is so important to portray happiness and a good mood. I guess that I am forever repeating myself, by saying this over and over again. I find it easy to notice in a wheelchair, that often it seems that everyone is expecting you to be in a foul mood, and they are pleasantly surprised by being smiled at by a disabled wheelchair user, so they return the smile. Goal achieved, happy happy happy (drug free, well maybe caffeine is involved).
As a brain injured graphic designer, I try to compensate for two of my loves using imagery (posters, postcards, graphics, etc). Next to my hifi and cds, I have a large framed photo of me cycling with a clubmate in France. Right next to an old lap tray depicting a cat. Although i do not miss cats, I do love them. Cycling is something that i continue to have interest in, and i have just ordered a 'home/trainer' which hopefully will be as good as I look forward to it.
Myself (in Black) riding alongside a clubmate and good friend in the 2006 'Stephen Roche ride', north of Paris.
Mmmeeeeeeeow!
Uploading these two images are two personal images that i draw regular comfort from.
Next, I often like to day dream of whatever (I sometimes dream at night time now, i haven't for the previous 4 or 5 years). But, er, yeh. I realise that it is human nature to always want more, or want something that you cannot have. Desire. So so important. It provides us with the drive to improve things and therefore ourselves. Everyone has it, making human beings so wonderful.
Night x
Anyway. I am refusing to discuss football (life?) at the moment. 100% focus could be fortunately diverted to my alternative sporting passion, cycling (see previous post, below). My phone is full of notes this week. So, fun fun fun for you, a large post typed caffeine free.
Perhaps, as usual, my first note exclaims my favouritism of selecting a cd to listen to, rather than scrolling through a never-ending playlist. OK, I may be 'old-fashioned', and the world is changing, but i feel that it is a shame that people aren't having the simple tactile interaction with a 3D 'album'. I am getting old (we all are), and i begin to realise how others have felt in past about the evolution of 'listening to music'.
...."whatever" i hear you say, i shut up and move on.....
The next note is my light-hearted admission that 'heard turning is funny'. I spent time sitting outside a street-side cafe in the sun, reading. I was focussed on reading, but often got distracted, and my head made to turn by some female sights on the high-street. Now, I know the sun means a lot of 'attractive sights', but it's funny sitting on a high street watching as a girl turns every male head walking down the high street. Should it be criminalised, deliberately dressing in a way causing a high street full of accidents/collisions/etc? I am given relief that i am just reacting as any male would. I have missed out on this social behaviour, 'inside' in a hospital or rehab home.
Next note, is telling us that 'positivity breeds positivity'. By this, I simply mean 'if you smile, i guarantee that causes someone else to do the same.' This is why it is so important to portray happiness and a good mood. I guess that I am forever repeating myself, by saying this over and over again. I find it easy to notice in a wheelchair, that often it seems that everyone is expecting you to be in a foul mood, and they are pleasantly surprised by being smiled at by a disabled wheelchair user, so they return the smile. Goal achieved, happy happy happy (drug free, well maybe caffeine is involved).
As a brain injured graphic designer, I try to compensate for two of my loves using imagery (posters, postcards, graphics, etc). Next to my hifi and cds, I have a large framed photo of me cycling with a clubmate in France. Right next to an old lap tray depicting a cat. Although i do not miss cats, I do love them. Cycling is something that i continue to have interest in, and i have just ordered a 'home/trainer' which hopefully will be as good as I look forward to it.
Myself (in Black) riding alongside a clubmate and good friend in the 2006 'Stephen Roche ride', north of Paris.
Uploading these two images are two personal images that i draw regular comfort from.
Next, I often like to day dream of whatever (I sometimes dream at night time now, i haven't for the previous 4 or 5 years). But, er, yeh. I realise that it is human nature to always want more, or want something that you cannot have. Desire. So so important. It provides us with the drive to improve things and therefore ourselves. Everyone has it, making human beings so wonderful.
Night x
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